Family Time

Had another busy week with business and some great family time. Luckily business needs had me traveling close enough to my parents that I could actually stay with them for a couple of days.

My main reason for travel east was to present to a large tobacco firm in the SE. These tobacco companies are very careful about everything they do, and they push those requirements onto their suppliers as well. I find it hilarious how they talk "around" things. They realize they have a huge decision facing them...whether to diversify outside of tobacco, so they are really looking into strategic directions. Anyway they will never mention the word "health" in any way, shape or form, so they talk around it...funny! I am not even allowed to mention "targeted consumer" as a descriptor. We presented for almost two hours with zero questions from the large group. They are seriously careful about conversations that they can't control, and Q&A falls into an uncontrollable situation from a legal standpoint...I think they have more lawyers than any other type of employee.

Back to the family stuff...like I said earlier, I got to spend some good time with my parents, one of my sisters, her kids, grandkid, and even one of my other nieces. We ate great Chinese food, caught up on family things, and just chilled. I got to talk to my parents about some important things, you know, as they get older I need to know what kind of "plans" they have for me to carry out. We also had some fun learning some new "tricks". I downloaded a Chinese character program so my dad could send Chinese e-mail messages to his long lost relatives in China. It was a fun learning session for both of us. I think it took us 2 hours to draft an 8 sentence e-mail. A message that any 8 year old in China would have done in 2 minutes. Ha! We even conducted some business that was set into motion when I was 13 years old. I made my first real estate investment with my parents 33 years ago. I took $125 of my hard-earned babysitting and lawn mowing money and helped put a down payment on some land in Maryland. My parents finally sold that property last week and are in the process of doling out proceeds (my uncle and grandmother are also investors). My very first investment returned about 600%. I am really proud of how smart my parents are with financial matters. They never had much money when we were kids, but they scrimped and saved enough to make small investments in real estate. My dad sacrificed a ton to do that. He is the most honest (and the luckiest) man I know. He just has a great knack for identifying great properties (that whole Feng-Sui thing).

As we talked about those early years, I learned some things about my dad that I didn't know about before, including his curse...not a real curse, but a demon that messes with his mind. He has really taken on a ton of responsibility over the years for his siblings, many times their physical survival depended on him getting them food during WWII. He sponsored all 5 of them plus some of my mom's siblings and mother to come to the US. I wasn't around for much of it, but I do remember when my uncle and his family stayed with us during my teen years. The 5 of them, plus my grandmother joined us in our suburban Virginia home for well over a year. My parents took them in, supported them financially and helped them get a good start in America. My mom won't even eat a hot dog anymore after feeding 7 kids, 5 adults and a dog on a very tight budget. Many times that meant we ate hot dogs as the main protein source. I never heard him complain once about any of that. My mom was plenty vocal, but Pops knew his responsibility was to help his brother become a success.

I learned more about the earlier years during this last visit with them. When he and my mom were just newlyweds, they helped bring my mom's siblings to the US. My mom's younger brother then took over, sponsoring the rest of his family as they invaded Squirrel Hill, Pennsylvania. It was the American Dream played out for my family. I am so proud of my uncles (geniuses all of them!), my aunts (brilliance, wisdom, accomplished), and all their kids (successful, fun, intelligent). However, my grandmother never wanted my mom to marry my dad, and for the first few years she nagged my mom to divorce him...while living with them! My dad was nothing but respectful to her, and to this day does not understand her feelings, taking those reasons to the grave. But he never let it affect his respect or treatment towards her. My aunts and uncles on my mom's side all respect my dad for how well he has treated my mom and them. But my dad still wants to know what caused my grandmother to feel that way about him. That is part of the curse he carries...

For some reason my dad's own siblings don't all have that same respect for him. After my dad did whatever he had to to help each and every one of them, he isn't feeling the love or appreciation. Even now those same siblings are wondering (grumbling?) how fairly my pops will divvy up the proceeds from that property my grandmother helped buy years ago. Hence the curse...his love and respect for them isn't being reciprocated and it hurts him. All he wants is to have great relationships with them, like when he was younger and when money didn't get in the way to cloud judgments. Unfortunately the curse of success and money created division instead of celebrations in that family. I want to tell them, "don't worry, Dad is the last person you need to worry about being fair." This last transaction will clear the books of any shared properties, and I can hear my parents breathing a sigh of relief.

It is hard being the oldest son in a Chinese family.

Chow!