It is December...time to reflect on the past year and marvel at how quickly it has gone by. I am amazed at how differently my life looks now v. just a mere 12 months ago. Let's do a quick review...
Let's see...I quit the food and beverage industry to work for my favorite charity, CRF, requiring a move to Amarillo, TX. My wife and daughter are still in Seattle, where my daughter has dropped out of school to figure out what she wants to do with her life. The dog went through a near-death experience and had to undergo emergency surgery to remove a 2-lb tumor in his abdomen (he's only 15 lbs!). I traveled to 5 different countries, including Mexico for the very first time! My visit to our CRF programs in Nicaragua, El Salvador, and Honduras was a highlight for me. I was also able to lead a group of New Mexico State Univ. students on a short term mission trip back to Nicaragua, as well as leading another group from Texas to Kenya in July. The summer was capped off by our all-Wu Family reunion in Honolulu. That was an amazing trip, and I picked up a new hobby; Gyotaku, the art of Japanese fish-printing. I also got to preach for the first time in my life at a wonderful church in Oklahoma City, and for the second time in San Saba, TX. Those experiences were enjoyable as I felt connected to the message of hope for our orphans. I hope it becomes an annual event for me.
[Sidebar: That trip to Hawaii showed all of my "hapa" nieces, nephews, and my own kids that the Hawaiian culture is where they belong and feel the most at home. They have never felt at home in either the US or Chinese cultures because they feel they always stick out in both cultures. Hawaii felt like home because they blended in with the locals. I expect a few of them to move there as a result. I also got to see them more as adults than children, and that was fun for me.]
The normal things also happened this past year. My oldest, the boy, is progressing well at his job. He is picking up responsibilities as he picks up skills, and he enjoys the work he is doing. He has the same girlfriend as last year, and they also are progressing down a path of inevitability...you know what that means. She is a sweet girl, and we really are happy for the two of them. She has made it a priority to get to know us and has visited us 3 times since they started dating. He has started prepping for his CPA exams. Lori continues to work at her two dental offices. She also took specialized training to work as a certified home-care assistant, and is ready to take the state exam for her final step.
Someone asked me why I made the change. I think I did it for several reasons. 1) I was so ready to give back in a greater way, 2) it is a continuation of my decision to say, "yes" to God, and 3) I feel much more satisfaction from my life. It is amazing how God is so faithful to me. Lori and I were worried about how to make ends meet with us having 2 households and way less income, but that has not been a problem. I give that up to God. We have what we need, and we seem to be doing okay.
What will be the theme for 2013? I am not sure where God will lead me, but I think for sure Kenya, Haiti, Nicaragua, Uganda and Zambia...those trips are being set up now. Maybe it is better that I NOT know...I'm just along for the ride!
Chow!
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
Marital Advice
As Lori and my 29th wedding anniversary approaches, I have been reflecting a lot about our marriage and marriage in general. Not that I have the answers to the mysteries of being happily married (maybe it is just about staying married), but after 29 years, I have learned a few things that I want to share. When people ask me how long I have been married, I usually make a joke out of it and say, "Lori and I have been happily married for 20 years...29 total, but only 20 were really good." It is meant to get a laugh, but there is always some truth to joking. We have worked at staying married, and we will both admit that it was difficult, and still is.
I was reading a new Vince Flynn paperback, and I really loved his acknowledgements. He started out by saying that one of his goals as a person and author was to only have "ones" in his life...one editor, one publisher, etc. I am going to invoke that rule as well as it pertains to marriage. I want to only have one wife in my life. I shouldn't need another. I am not calling any of my divorced friends or family out, because I know that sometimes divorce is necessary and justified, I am just saying that it is a pretty good rule to have...as long as you are able to follow it. You have to be stubborn about sticking to the rule. I'm lucky that Lori has been stubbornly following this rule. I've said stupid things to her that she let roll off her back because of this.
First of all, I think the words, "mutual reverence" are key. "Respect" isn't enough. If I didn't revere Lori for who she is and what she does, staying married would be impossible. And it goes without saying that the same holds true for her. (But I just said it...not sure what that saying means..."it goes without saying", if we have to actually say it.) If one partner doesn't revere the other, that marriage is doomed to fail.
Second big thing I've learned is that neither of us can remember what much of our arguing was about all those years ago. Arguments are never worth remembering. They are moments where our stubborn selves get in the way of our reasonable selves and we say things we don't mean and regret them later. If you can remember with bitterness all of your arguments, you probably have a personality disorder that should be taken care of. It is just stupid stuff that doesn't have any bearing on your life together. It seems like the real issues that break relationships up are hardly talked about...or argued about; they are done in secret.
Thirdly, family ties run deep, but they shouldn't run as deep as your ties to your spouse and children. Oh, now I remember that many of those arguments between us were about our respective families...usually around the holidays. But, if you consider what is best for your wife and kids, you will make the right decision. It won't help to put your relatives in between you and your spouse.
Fourthly, money is the other main arguing point that comes up frequently in my relationship with Lori. It has taken us a while to figure out that arguing about money never helps. Being open about our concerns, fears, and worries to each other does help.
Coming in fifth is that you have to know that love changes over time. There are reasons for why you love someone that never change, and there are some that do change. The ones that change usually have to do with physical attraction and...sex. There, I've said it. Focus on the things that don't change, and work on the ones that do.
I make it sound as if following these 5 thoughts will lead to a happily married life. If it were that simple, I would have my own talk show. The word that should have come up first is "faithfulness." I put it last because I want to make a point. Our God is a jealous god, and deserves our faithfulness. If you both are faithful to God first, and then each other, He will help you work through the other 5.
In fact, if you think about it, these 5 points actually help in your relationship to God as well. It is not just coincidence that I have been in a relationship with God for 32 years. "One" God, reverence for Him, no secrets, don't put people between you and Him, be open to Him about your finances, and your reasons for loving Him will grow and change...these tenets have helped me stay faithful. I hope these help you, too!
Chow!
I was reading a new Vince Flynn paperback, and I really loved his acknowledgements. He started out by saying that one of his goals as a person and author was to only have "ones" in his life...one editor, one publisher, etc. I am going to invoke that rule as well as it pertains to marriage. I want to only have one wife in my life. I shouldn't need another. I am not calling any of my divorced friends or family out, because I know that sometimes divorce is necessary and justified, I am just saying that it is a pretty good rule to have...as long as you are able to follow it. You have to be stubborn about sticking to the rule. I'm lucky that Lori has been stubbornly following this rule. I've said stupid things to her that she let roll off her back because of this.
First of all, I think the words, "mutual reverence" are key. "Respect" isn't enough. If I didn't revere Lori for who she is and what she does, staying married would be impossible. And it goes without saying that the same holds true for her. (But I just said it...not sure what that saying means..."it goes without saying", if we have to actually say it.) If one partner doesn't revere the other, that marriage is doomed to fail.
Second big thing I've learned is that neither of us can remember what much of our arguing was about all those years ago. Arguments are never worth remembering. They are moments where our stubborn selves get in the way of our reasonable selves and we say things we don't mean and regret them later. If you can remember with bitterness all of your arguments, you probably have a personality disorder that should be taken care of. It is just stupid stuff that doesn't have any bearing on your life together. It seems like the real issues that break relationships up are hardly talked about...or argued about; they are done in secret.
Thirdly, family ties run deep, but they shouldn't run as deep as your ties to your spouse and children. Oh, now I remember that many of those arguments between us were about our respective families...usually around the holidays. But, if you consider what is best for your wife and kids, you will make the right decision. It won't help to put your relatives in between you and your spouse.
Fourthly, money is the other main arguing point that comes up frequently in my relationship with Lori. It has taken us a while to figure out that arguing about money never helps. Being open about our concerns, fears, and worries to each other does help.
Coming in fifth is that you have to know that love changes over time. There are reasons for why you love someone that never change, and there are some that do change. The ones that change usually have to do with physical attraction and...sex. There, I've said it. Focus on the things that don't change, and work on the ones that do.
I make it sound as if following these 5 thoughts will lead to a happily married life. If it were that simple, I would have my own talk show. The word that should have come up first is "faithfulness." I put it last because I want to make a point. Our God is a jealous god, and deserves our faithfulness. If you both are faithful to God first, and then each other, He will help you work through the other 5.
In fact, if you think about it, these 5 points actually help in your relationship to God as well. It is not just coincidence that I have been in a relationship with God for 32 years. "One" God, reverence for Him, no secrets, don't put people between you and Him, be open to Him about your finances, and your reasons for loving Him will grow and change...these tenets have helped me stay faithful. I hope these help you, too!
Chow!
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Family Reunions
Some people hate that time of year when they get an invitation to the "annual family reunion picnic" at the local state park. My family does them differently...we wait to have them only every few years, and we pick a spot that guarantees good times and a good turnout. Oh, and we limit them to immediate family and a few friends that always want to tag along.Here's the list of places we have gone: The very first one was Cape May, NJ. We rented a large Victorian house complete with gingerbread trim near the beach. It was my immediate family...parents, siblings, spouses and kids. Second one was DisneyWorld in Orlando at Christmas...guaranteed good time. Next was Yellowstone National Park, followed by a 10 day excursion to China, then Virginia Beach, and most recently, Honolulu, Hawaii. We know how to have a good time. These past 20 years have created great memories for all of us. There is the occasional argument, misunderstanding and regretful behavior, but all in all, we enjoy seeing each other and cry like crazy when we have to say goodbye. We all live so far apart that these opportunities to gather really do create emotional atmospheres.
Each location holds special memories for me. Some are strictly about fun, but some, like our China trip, was about connecting with our roots. They are ALWAYS about good food and social interaction, though. We sometimes plan our next meal while still eating the current one! This last trip to Hawaii was a combination of all of these reasons. We were able to reconnect our families, our old friends, new friends, while eating together and having fun together. The kids are now old enough to really enjoy each other's company, and they spent many a late night at the local watering holes talking about their crazy parents. There is even talk of a "cousins only" reunion so they can hang out and party without their parents watching. I love seeing them interact, get to know each other better, and best part...become friends. They may be related by blood, but they like each other's company, too! We even had the next generation with us as my niece brought her 7 year old son...a grandnephew, great-grandson, and second cousin to all of us. I am proud at how my nieces and nephews have grown up into awesome adults. They are all such caring people. They want to make the world a better place, and are striving hard to be independent and successful. They are spiritual and are relying on God to help them in life. That is awesome that our kids are developing their own love for Christ that I have.
So keep your t-shirts, mugs, and giant reunion picnics. I like mine small, intimate and in exotic locales. Rumor is that the next one being planned will be a cruise. I'll go anywhere to be with my family, and I hear the food is pretty good on those cruise ships.
Chow!
Thursday, June 14, 2012
Happy Father's Day To Me!
I have been thinking about being a father, and what keeps popping up in my head is a whole collection of memories of my kids as they were growing up. Special memories that make fatherhood such a blessing for me. Here are a few in no particular order...
- Calling home while I was on a business trip and hearing my sweet kids' voices telling me they loved me. When I talk to Melanie on the phone now, I still picture her as a 4 year old with a Dorothy Hamill hair-do. Jeff was such a talker when he was younger...now he is more of a thinker.
- Having both kids run up and hug my legs when I would come home from work or a business trip.
- How they each said, "Dada" for the first time...Melanie's was more of a, "dadjy"
- Remembering how they would pronounce words when they were learning to talk. Jeff would walk up to us when he was barely two, holding his arms up and say, "Holdyou?" Meaning he wanted us to pick him up. Melanie at three would wrinkle her nose and say, "I smell somfing."
- I loved playing in the pool with them. They are both great swimmers now, but when they were learning, it was such great fun. I still crack a smile when I think about Jeff diving through the blow up ring and getting it stuck on his neck. Melanie wearing her goggles everywhere (still does!) and diving down in the deep end to catch a frog for me.
- Teaching Jeff how to ride a bike, then drive a car, and then how to invest his money.
- Making home made spaghetti sauce with Melanie in our kitchen and teaching her how to make her favorite beet salad.
- Baptizing Jeff in the Pacific Ocean at Playa Vista.
- Watching Melanie and her grandpa eating weird foods together in China. They bonded over sashimi and duck tongues.
- Driving across the country with Jeff as we went to take him to school in Ohio. Just him and me.
- Being in the theater when we discovered Melanie needed glasses at 5 years old. She watched the movie with my oversized glasses on, which was hilarious to see.
- Quietly sneaking to Jeff's room to secretly watch him play with "Patchy-Pie" and his Beanie Babies...he made the cutest voices for his animals.
- Melanie playing Godzilla through Jeff's building blocks which he neatly stacked.
- Her fuzz head days when she wouldn't sit still to eat, so we fed her like a bird...we put food on the window sill and when she went by, she would take a little bit and then continue on with whatever she was doing.
- Jeff's face when he discovered that he really liked ice cream.
- Melanie asking me to take her to try grasshoppers at the local Mexican restaurant.
- The joy they both had when they received acceptance letters to the schools of their choice.
- Making our favorite meals for special occasions, and cooking for all their friends when they came over unexpectedly.
- All those band concerts, parades, soccer games, swim meets, football games, and recitals. I love watching my kids perform.
- I loved the sense of accomplishment they each felt when they presented their savings accounts to me; showing me they met the goal we set before leaving for college. Their faces were beaming with pride at their accomplishment.
- I remember each of their births in detail. I will never forget the doctors telling me that they each were healthy.
- I remember the day Lori and I made a decision to keep Melanie when the doctors thought she would be a special needs baby at birth. We thought we would be the best parents for a special needs kid. Her birth was a very special day because she was perfect.
- Watching my kids sleep. It is so peaceful and comforting to see them sleep no matter what age they are.
- I loved when they would visit me in the office...I could show them off to my co-workers.
- I love their smell when I would hold them and they fell asleep.
- I like how brave they are. They don't cry or complain much when it comes to pain. They are tough.
There are so many great memories, big and small that make me so proud to be a father. I hope my dad has the same kind of memories that I have of my kids. I'm sure he does...he always jokes about them, so I know he has a list, too.
I love being a father, but I love being "Dad" more. "Father" is my job description, but "Dad" is how my kids see me. So Happy Father's Day to me!
Chow!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
Man's Best Friend
We had a bit of a scare today...our little dog, Pepper had to go under emergency surgery. Lori called me with the news that she had taken him in to the vet this morning because he had been lethargic all week, and didn't have an appetite. He even turned his nose up at a Cheetoh she dropped on the floor, and he didn't want to go for a walk. He has been spending all day in his nest under the bed. It turns out that he has a giant growing tumor in his tummy. The growth was so extensive that it was pushing all his internal organs to one side. The vet was hopeful, but she said that she would have to make a decision once she opened him up. If it looked benign, she would remove it as best as she could. If it looked cancerous, she would euthanize him right there on the operating table. His lethargy had a cause, it wasn't the rainy, cold weather, or the long, lonely days he spent in the house by himself. It was a giant growing mass causing him discomfort.
That lethargic behavior is just not like him. He is usually full of spunk, energy, and life. He has the most personality of any dog I have ever known. He actually thinks he is human, or that we are all dogs in his pack. He talks to us, and is pretty good at communicating what he wants from us. He has given us so many funny memories and stories. If you know us, you have heard some of them. My favorite Christmas memories over the past 10 years or so are of Peppy (his nickname) tearing into the presents. He loves to open presents. For a small 18 lb. dog, he is bigger than life.
As Lori was explaining all the options, she sounded strong, upbeat and hopeful. I told her to text the kids to let them know that Pepper may not make it...that is when she lost it and couldn't talk anymore on the phone. She had to hang up and email me later with the latest. I quickly said a prayer for my little friend. He has done nothing but bring our family joy for the past 13 years. He seems much younger, and still has a lot of living to do.
The good news was delivered later that afternoon. The mass was not intertwined with any of his organs, it was a free-floating mass that was growing on his spleen, which was removed. The vet thinks he will recover and give us a few more years of companionship.
That is a great word...companionship. That is his strength and his personal mission statement. He never leaves us, and is always at our side (or on our lap). I used to make fun of people who spent thousands of dollars on their pets. Well, now I am proudly one of those suckers. He is worth every penny. He wasn't my first choice for a dog when we started looking for a pet, but I'm glad he is part of our family. He can't hunt birds, or retrieve ducks, or even pull a sled, but he tries to please me and is smarter than some 7th graders. He has snuggled his way deep into my heart, and I am thankful for that. I always tease the kids and tell them that I "hate Pepper"...that I "hate having to love him." The kids think that is funny, and say, "we knew you loved him."
I want to tell my little "companion" that I really do love him, and wouldn't trade him for anything. I hope he recovers quickly, and that he has years of healthy living ahead of him.
Chow!
That lethargic behavior is just not like him. He is usually full of spunk, energy, and life. He has the most personality of any dog I have ever known. He actually thinks he is human, or that we are all dogs in his pack. He talks to us, and is pretty good at communicating what he wants from us. He has given us so many funny memories and stories. If you know us, you have heard some of them. My favorite Christmas memories over the past 10 years or so are of Peppy (his nickname) tearing into the presents. He loves to open presents. For a small 18 lb. dog, he is bigger than life.
As Lori was explaining all the options, she sounded strong, upbeat and hopeful. I told her to text the kids to let them know that Pepper may not make it...that is when she lost it and couldn't talk anymore on the phone. She had to hang up and email me later with the latest. I quickly said a prayer for my little friend. He has done nothing but bring our family joy for the past 13 years. He seems much younger, and still has a lot of living to do.
The good news was delivered later that afternoon. The mass was not intertwined with any of his organs, it was a free-floating mass that was growing on his spleen, which was removed. The vet thinks he will recover and give us a few more years of companionship.
That is a great word...companionship. That is his strength and his personal mission statement. He never leaves us, and is always at our side (or on our lap). I used to make fun of people who spent thousands of dollars on their pets. Well, now I am proudly one of those suckers. He is worth every penny. He wasn't my first choice for a dog when we started looking for a pet, but I'm glad he is part of our family. He can't hunt birds, or retrieve ducks, or even pull a sled, but he tries to please me and is smarter than some 7th graders. He has snuggled his way deep into my heart, and I am thankful for that. I always tease the kids and tell them that I "hate Pepper"...that I "hate having to love him." The kids think that is funny, and say, "we knew you loved him."
I want to tell my little "companion" that I really do love him, and wouldn't trade him for anything. I hope he recovers quickly, and that he has years of healthy living ahead of him.
Chow!
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
The Emptying Nest
I am experiencing yet another milestone in my life…my
youngest, my baby girl now has a real “grown-up” job (as she describes it). She
was having doubts about her life, the direction she had chosen, and came to
Lori and me for advice over Christmas break. As a junior at the local
university, she felt (and we agreed) that she should have an idea of her future
career. She didn’t have any idea and that thought panicked her a little. She
had doubts about her major and where that was leading. She didn’t feel passionate
about anything besides marching band, and realized there are limitations to
making a living in a marching band. We didn’t resolve these issues for her
easily or quickly. We had many sessions, discussions, emails and phone calls. Sometimes those sessions were calm, quiet,
pensive, and other sessions were agitated, emotional, and painful. But in the
end she had a plan that she could execute, and that calmed her heart a lot.
Our first piece of advice was to drop out of the University
while she figured things out. This was purely an economic move as she was
costing us over a grand a month pursuing a degree that she didn’t want. She
felt she wanted to work in the food industry somehow, so I encouraged her to
get a full time job in the food industry to see if it was a real attraction for
her. She could earn some dough and at the same time “interview” the industry. The
other option was to get a job in the pool servicing industry. This is her other
passion. She loves working on pool equipment. She has a natural knack for the
mechanics, and she can keep a pool sparkling. Find a job with a pool company
and decide later on your future was my advice. Part 1 of her plan: find a full
time job to pay her bills.
I had always thought she had the food gene, though. Her
interests were always in what cool things I was working on. She loved coming to
my office when she was younger. She loved the smells that come from the
production of food and beverage products, and she has a very discerning sense
of smell and taste. As a young child her keen sense of smell always amazed me.
She could smell things and describe them to me. That is an innate skill with
her. And she loves food. Why not let it make some money for her? If she enjoys
the work, she can always go back to school for a degree in food science,
chemical engineering, or microbiology. But those degrees are so far from the
music degree she had started on. She would have a ton of catch-up coursework to
do in the basic sciences. So part 2 of her plan: get her leveling coursework
done at a community college. This almost killed her. She felt it was
humiliating to drop out of the prestigious university and attend the local
community college. We told her it is so different now, but after talking it
over with friends she trusts (not us); she got over that pretty quickly.
I am proud of her for developing a realistic, sensible plan
and then executing it. She applied for food industry jobs through connections I
had and landed one. She will be a customer service representative at a small
food ingredients broker. She will have to work two sides of the value chain.
Their principals expect new sales opportunities for their ingredients, and the
end customers expect full service sales and technical support for the dozens of
companies they represent. She will learn a ton about the industry and the
language used in it. I hope she sticks with it. The opportunities will be there
if she does a good job.
Her plan will always require “tweaking”, but the main parts
will always give her something to work from. Maybe one of my progeny will
follow me down the path of developing innovative food and beverage products for
an industry that has been very, very good to me. After 3 days of her new job, I
am swelling with pride.
Chow!
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
Happy Mother's Day!
Last year for Mother's Day I posted a tribute to my mom, but this year it is a tribute to my lovely wife of almost 29 years and the mother of our two amazing kids...Lori.
How do I describe the type of mom she is? A fierce lioness or mother Grizzly bear defending her cubs against a threat comes to mind. She can also be a "Helicopter Mom" hovering above her children to make sure everything goes just so. She can pose as that secret stalker, going through Facebook looking for posts, updates and photos of her kids, wondering what kind of friends they have and worrying about their behavior. She worries because she cares deeply. Her children are THE most important aspect to her life. She isn't happy unless her kids are happy, she isn't satisfied until they are, and she won't sleep if they can't.
Her life revolves around the kids. I promised not to tell stories about her ferocity or enabling behavior, so this won't be a typical blog post from me. Straight tribute...no fun.
I always knew my mom loved me, but I wouldn't call my mom a "Helicopter Mom" type. My mom cared for us, raised us, loved us, but easily let us grow up and move out of the house. I think Lori would be happier if our kids lived with us forever...sure, bring an in-law or two along as well. She's like her dad in that respect. He just likes his family around him, and Lori has taken on that trait.
Nothing is too good for her kids, and she would sacrifice if they really asked for something. I make her sound extreme, but from my perspective, she can be. But the real test to motherhood is to see how the children have grown. Our kids are amazing. People tell us all the time that we did a good job of raising them. They are respectful, smart, and best of all, they don't take things for granted. They may be a little spoiled, but all in all, the two are ideal.
Lori gets the majority of that credit. I might have wanted to be a little tougher on them, but she knew the right amount of coddling to give the kids. I may have moved them around a lot growing up, but Lori always found a way to make it a learning adventure. She planned it so they would enter a new school before the end of the year so they had chances to make friends for the summer. A mom thinks about things like that. And I think my kids are better for it. When they fussed in anger, she took it squarely on the chin. She never cried in front of them, but in the privacy of our room she would cry her eyes out for her kids. They never knew how much they could hurt her feelings. But a mom takes that, and doesn't return that anger. She was always supportive, listened and let them vent angrily. I'm less accepting of that behavior and could show a little anger. But instinctively she knew not to react to their anger. Maybe only good moms know that.
In the animal world, a mother feeds, raises and teaches her baby to be self reliant, and then releases them to a cruel world. But most babies don't make it to maturity in the animal kingdom. They become food for a hungry predator. In the human world, a mom's investment in her offspring doesn't end at physical maturity. It continues through successful adulthood and then progeny. A good human mom knows she's done when her well-adjusted kids give her super grandkids.
Lori is the best human mom that I know. I may be biased because I married her, but even if I look objectively at the results, I don't know who can compare. She isn't a grandma yet, but she is patiently waiting for a chance to be that proud one. Then maybe she will relax, park the helicopter, and revert back to being my wife again.
Chow!
Her life revolves around the kids. I promised not to tell stories about her ferocity or enabling behavior, so this won't be a typical blog post from me. Straight tribute...no fun.
I always knew my mom loved me, but I wouldn't call my mom a "Helicopter Mom" type. My mom cared for us, raised us, loved us, but easily let us grow up and move out of the house. I think Lori would be happier if our kids lived with us forever...sure, bring an in-law or two along as well. She's like her dad in that respect. He just likes his family around him, and Lori has taken on that trait.
Nothing is too good for her kids, and she would sacrifice if they really asked for something. I make her sound extreme, but from my perspective, she can be. But the real test to motherhood is to see how the children have grown. Our kids are amazing. People tell us all the time that we did a good job of raising them. They are respectful, smart, and best of all, they don't take things for granted. They may be a little spoiled, but all in all, the two are ideal.
Lori gets the majority of that credit. I might have wanted to be a little tougher on them, but she knew the right amount of coddling to give the kids. I may have moved them around a lot growing up, but Lori always found a way to make it a learning adventure. She planned it so they would enter a new school before the end of the year so they had chances to make friends for the summer. A mom thinks about things like that. And I think my kids are better for it. When they fussed in anger, she took it squarely on the chin. She never cried in front of them, but in the privacy of our room she would cry her eyes out for her kids. They never knew how much they could hurt her feelings. But a mom takes that, and doesn't return that anger. She was always supportive, listened and let them vent angrily. I'm less accepting of that behavior and could show a little anger. But instinctively she knew not to react to their anger. Maybe only good moms know that.
In the animal world, a mother feeds, raises and teaches her baby to be self reliant, and then releases them to a cruel world. But most babies don't make it to maturity in the animal kingdom. They become food for a hungry predator. In the human world, a mom's investment in her offspring doesn't end at physical maturity. It continues through successful adulthood and then progeny. A good human mom knows she's done when her well-adjusted kids give her super grandkids.
Lori is the best human mom that I know. I may be biased because I married her, but even if I look objectively at the results, I don't know who can compare. She isn't a grandma yet, but she is patiently waiting for a chance to be that proud one. Then maybe she will relax, park the helicopter, and revert back to being my wife again.
Chow!
Thursday, May 3, 2012
Family Traditions
The wife and I were discussing how our kids are growing up, getting on with their lives, etc. Then she sighed a big sigh. "I wish we could go back in time and do things differently." she said. I replied, "What would you change?" She thinks we don't have any real family traditions. She sees her kids going to their significant others' family events and having fun. Melanie's boyfriend's family has a monthly dinner on a Sunday, where everyone shows up, plays games, eats dinner and hangs out. Jeff's girlfriend's family has a second home on the Colorado River in Arizona where they go on the weekends. Lori grew up much the same way...every Sunday meant a family supper at the grandparents house, and every summer meant summer camp and renting a cabin on the lake. I grew up differently. We never went to summer camps, we didn't bbq much, we didn't go on ski trips, and if it involved extended family, we usually just ate together.
I think it is the same for most Chinese families like mine. If you stayed in China, it meant you probably lived on a farm with generations of farming history. You have your extended family close because it was the family business...you were all farmers. If you fled China during the revolution, your life was never going to be the same. Your extended family was probably in a few different countries. Sharing your life together was impractical and nearly impossible. So you try to adopt the traditions of your new home. In our case, that was the US. For my aunt, that was Indonesia, and so on. There was no homeland anymore. Find new traditions. We moved around so much and lived in so many foreign countries that I thought that was the tradition...3 years here, 2 here, and move. Make new friends, and move again. Get settled in high school, and then move.
As I matured and met my wife, that life was foisted on her. We moved a lot in our time together. It was our family tradition. Get a new job, and move. Buy a new house, and move. Lose a job, move again. Is it creating regrets as I get older? I don't think so. I think my kids are able to adapt to new situations pretty quickly. I think they are able to make friends anywhere. I think they have learned a variety of things about US history and culture. They have seen and done a lot of things their friends have not. They have experiences that stretched their minds and enriched their lives. Do I ever wish we had strong family traditions? Sometimes. Do I regret submitting them to that lifestyle? Never.
Maybe after Melanie gets married, her spouse will have an affect on their family traditions. I hope so. But she will be able to bring her life of experiences with her to that new family. A love for the Kentucky Derby for one...what it was like to climb the Great Wall of China and eat strange foods; that will be another thing she can share with her new extended family. Jeff can tell of the time he was able to see his beloved Philadelphia Eagles play live at Cowboy Stadium, and how they beat my Cowboys that day. Or how he got to bargain with street vendors in Shanghai for his cool souvenirs. For sure both my kids have eaten more weird foods than most people would dream about. They have traveled to more countries, and experienced more culture than many of their friends.
I think the Wu family tradition is not to have any traditions...well, maybe my Thanksgiving cooking, St. Patrick's Day Corned Beef, and pan-fried noodles might be considered lesser traditions, but in the big picture, our tradition is to take life as it comes and make it an adventure. It has been unpredictable, and I like it that way.
Chow!
I think it is the same for most Chinese families like mine. If you stayed in China, it meant you probably lived on a farm with generations of farming history. You have your extended family close because it was the family business...you were all farmers. If you fled China during the revolution, your life was never going to be the same. Your extended family was probably in a few different countries. Sharing your life together was impractical and nearly impossible. So you try to adopt the traditions of your new home. In our case, that was the US. For my aunt, that was Indonesia, and so on. There was no homeland anymore. Find new traditions. We moved around so much and lived in so many foreign countries that I thought that was the tradition...3 years here, 2 here, and move. Make new friends, and move again. Get settled in high school, and then move.
As I matured and met my wife, that life was foisted on her. We moved a lot in our time together. It was our family tradition. Get a new job, and move. Buy a new house, and move. Lose a job, move again. Is it creating regrets as I get older? I don't think so. I think my kids are able to adapt to new situations pretty quickly. I think they are able to make friends anywhere. I think they have learned a variety of things about US history and culture. They have seen and done a lot of things their friends have not. They have experiences that stretched their minds and enriched their lives. Do I ever wish we had strong family traditions? Sometimes. Do I regret submitting them to that lifestyle? Never.
Maybe after Melanie gets married, her spouse will have an affect on their family traditions. I hope so. But she will be able to bring her life of experiences with her to that new family. A love for the Kentucky Derby for one...what it was like to climb the Great Wall of China and eat strange foods; that will be another thing she can share with her new extended family. Jeff can tell of the time he was able to see his beloved Philadelphia Eagles play live at Cowboy Stadium, and how they beat my Cowboys that day. Or how he got to bargain with street vendors in Shanghai for his cool souvenirs. For sure both my kids have eaten more weird foods than most people would dream about. They have traveled to more countries, and experienced more culture than many of their friends.
I think the Wu family tradition is not to have any traditions...well, maybe my Thanksgiving cooking, St. Patrick's Day Corned Beef, and pan-fried noodles might be considered lesser traditions, but in the big picture, our tradition is to take life as it comes and make it an adventure. It has been unpredictable, and I like it that way.
Chow!
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Happy Birthday, Jeffrey!!
Happy Birthday, Son!
It is hard to imagine how quickly you have grown up. I still remember the day you were born 24 years ago like it was yesterday. I was actually telling the story to the office staff here the other day. I don't know if you've ever heard the story, so I will tell it to you now...
Mom's contractions were about 5 minutes apart when we decided we'd better head to the Princeton Medical Center to have her deliver you. Up until that night, you were a pretty normal pregnancy...you made Mom sick for 6 months, she got huge carrying you, and she was so skinny we could see your arms and legs move under her belly skin. It was like an alien was in her! But we argued over baby names. She wanted Timothy, and I wanted Fraser...that story you have heard.
When we got to the hospital, there was only one other couple giving birth in that whole maternity ward...we thought it was weird that they put us right across the hall from the other couple. We got Mom all tucked into the bed...our room had no TV, so I had to keep myself entertained by watching her monitor...I would tell her when I thought a contraction was coming...it is like a huge muscle cramp. She snapped at me that she was experiencing them personally and didn't need to know when they were coming or how big they were! That is the scientist in me, watching the data and making observations...haha. About an hour later we started hearing awful screams of agony coming from the other room. The poor birth mother was screaming at the top of her lungs. She must have been right in the middle of delivering her baby. Mom was getting terrified, and our nurses tried to calm her down. They closed our door, but you could still hear the blood-curdling yells. I guess the other father had had enough, and he yelled at his wife, "Dolores, shut up already!" I was dying to see who they were.
Your delivery was without too much drama, mostly pain endured by Mom, but when you popped out, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! You had hair, your scrunched up face was all puffy from Mom pushing you out, and you were long. You were also covered in white, waxy stuff that we wiped off of you. I think it is to keep your skin from getting water logged sitting in Amniotic fluid for 9 months. After we wiped you off, you turned pink, and started to cry. Mom nursed you right away. She was tired from the labor, but she was smiling and crying at the same time. I got to weigh you, and wash you and then put you under the warming table. Mom slept, and I watched as they did all the testing they do on newborns...making sure you were a normal human baby. You passed all your tests, except your bilirubin count was a little high, meaning your liver function hadn't kicked in. I went home late that evening...poor Clipper was waiting for me. He hadn't been out all day, so I put him out. Mom gave me a little stocking hat that you wore to let him sniff it so he would recognize you when you came home later.
I went in early the next morning to check on you and Mom. I finally got to see Dolores and her husband! They were standing outside the nursery looking in on their baby through the glass (I think they named him Christopher, which was one of Mom's short list names for you). I was shocked to see Dolores...she was about 6'3" and weighed in at about 280. Her husband was my height and maybe 170 lbs. She was in a pink floral night gown and robe, but she was wearing lumberjack boots! She looked like a hillbilly! I kept wondering where they had come from because we were in Princeton, NJ. Then I saw why she was screaming during delivery. Her baby looked like a 2-year old! He was 15-1/2 lbs, and 28 inches long! The nurse attending to Mom said that this was her second baby. Her first one had the record for Princeton Medical Center...17 lbs and some ounces! Her kid barely fit in the bassinet in the nursery. You weren't a midget at nearly 9 lbs, but next to him, you looked like a preemie. Because there was already a "Christopher" in the nursery, Mom refused to name you that. She also didn't think you looked like a Timothy, so we named you, Jeffrey. Your middle name comes from your Grandpa Chuck. That is a tradition Mom and I started. Good thing we only have two kids, cause we ran out of Grandpas!
I think we took you home after the second night because your bilirubin count was high enough. They had a special meal for us that day after Valentine's Day because we missed celebrating while Mom delivered you. We had a steak and lobster dinner up in a private dining area. It was nice. We had good insurance back then, I think your whole hospital bill was about $6. I think Mom ordered a TV for her room, which cost $3 per day on our plan, or a phone in her room, I can't remember. Everything else was covered. I might have that figure wrong, but it was affordable, whatever the cost was. Ask Mom, I am sure she still has that hospital bill in her files...haha.
Our lives have never been the same. These 24 years have sped by. I can hardly believe that you are on your own, living in a different city, working, paying your own bills, etc. It is mind-numbing to think about it, but it happens to all of us. I have more appreciation for my parents and Mom's parents and what they went through raising and then letting us go. Just as I hope one day you will have an appreciation for us because you will be going through the same emotions as you see your kids grow up. That is a day I am looking forward to...when you become a Dad.
You are still my baby boy, and I have so many special memories of you growing up. I wish I could take you back to show you how cute and smart you really were. You had the best belly laugh as a kid. And boy, were you a talker!
Love,
Dad
It is hard to imagine how quickly you have grown up. I still remember the day you were born 24 years ago like it was yesterday. I was actually telling the story to the office staff here the other day. I don't know if you've ever heard the story, so I will tell it to you now...
Mom's contractions were about 5 minutes apart when we decided we'd better head to the Princeton Medical Center to have her deliver you. Up until that night, you were a pretty normal pregnancy...you made Mom sick for 6 months, she got huge carrying you, and she was so skinny we could see your arms and legs move under her belly skin. It was like an alien was in her! But we argued over baby names. She wanted Timothy, and I wanted Fraser...that story you have heard.
When we got to the hospital, there was only one other couple giving birth in that whole maternity ward...we thought it was weird that they put us right across the hall from the other couple. We got Mom all tucked into the bed...our room had no TV, so I had to keep myself entertained by watching her monitor...I would tell her when I thought a contraction was coming...it is like a huge muscle cramp. She snapped at me that she was experiencing them personally and didn't need to know when they were coming or how big they were! That is the scientist in me, watching the data and making observations...haha. About an hour later we started hearing awful screams of agony coming from the other room. The poor birth mother was screaming at the top of her lungs. She must have been right in the middle of delivering her baby. Mom was getting terrified, and our nurses tried to calm her down. They closed our door, but you could still hear the blood-curdling yells. I guess the other father had had enough, and he yelled at his wife, "Dolores, shut up already!" I was dying to see who they were.
Your delivery was without too much drama, mostly pain endured by Mom, but when you popped out, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! You had hair, your scrunched up face was all puffy from Mom pushing you out, and you were long. You were also covered in white, waxy stuff that we wiped off of you. I think it is to keep your skin from getting water logged sitting in Amniotic fluid for 9 months. After we wiped you off, you turned pink, and started to cry. Mom nursed you right away. She was tired from the labor, but she was smiling and crying at the same time. I got to weigh you, and wash you and then put you under the warming table. Mom slept, and I watched as they did all the testing they do on newborns...making sure you were a normal human baby. You passed all your tests, except your bilirubin count was a little high, meaning your liver function hadn't kicked in. I went home late that evening...poor Clipper was waiting for me. He hadn't been out all day, so I put him out. Mom gave me a little stocking hat that you wore to let him sniff it so he would recognize you when you came home later.
I went in early the next morning to check on you and Mom. I finally got to see Dolores and her husband! They were standing outside the nursery looking in on their baby through the glass (I think they named him Christopher, which was one of Mom's short list names for you). I was shocked to see Dolores...she was about 6'3" and weighed in at about 280. Her husband was my height and maybe 170 lbs. She was in a pink floral night gown and robe, but she was wearing lumberjack boots! She looked like a hillbilly! I kept wondering where they had come from because we were in Princeton, NJ. Then I saw why she was screaming during delivery. Her baby looked like a 2-year old! He was 15-1/2 lbs, and 28 inches long! The nurse attending to Mom said that this was her second baby. Her first one had the record for Princeton Medical Center...17 lbs and some ounces! Her kid barely fit in the bassinet in the nursery. You weren't a midget at nearly 9 lbs, but next to him, you looked like a preemie. Because there was already a "Christopher" in the nursery, Mom refused to name you that. She also didn't think you looked like a Timothy, so we named you, Jeffrey. Your middle name comes from your Grandpa Chuck. That is a tradition Mom and I started. Good thing we only have two kids, cause we ran out of Grandpas!
I think we took you home after the second night because your bilirubin count was high enough. They had a special meal for us that day after Valentine's Day because we missed celebrating while Mom delivered you. We had a steak and lobster dinner up in a private dining area. It was nice. We had good insurance back then, I think your whole hospital bill was about $6. I think Mom ordered a TV for her room, which cost $3 per day on our plan, or a phone in her room, I can't remember. Everything else was covered. I might have that figure wrong, but it was affordable, whatever the cost was. Ask Mom, I am sure she still has that hospital bill in her files...haha.
Our lives have never been the same. These 24 years have sped by. I can hardly believe that you are on your own, living in a different city, working, paying your own bills, etc. It is mind-numbing to think about it, but it happens to all of us. I have more appreciation for my parents and Mom's parents and what they went through raising and then letting us go. Just as I hope one day you will have an appreciation for us because you will be going through the same emotions as you see your kids grow up. That is a day I am looking forward to...when you become a Dad.
You are still my baby boy, and I have so many special memories of you growing up. I wish I could take you back to show you how cute and smart you really were. You had the best belly laugh as a kid. And boy, were you a talker!
Love,
Dad
Thursday, February 2, 2012
The Road to Amarillo
Yes, it has been way too long. I have had inspiration to write, but no time. Then more stuff piles up on my "to write" list, and then I get overwhelmed. I need to catch up.
Last post was written while I was still doing the start-up thing. I was helping Not For Sale by starting up a beverage company that would throw 5% of all revenue back to the non-profit anti-slavery side of the organization. REBBL Tea (Roots, Extracts, Berries, Bark and Leaves) was the product, Headwaters Natural Products was the company. Two days after writing that post, I get a call from the chairman of the board...they want to make a change. I wasn't getting the product to market fast enough, they had doubts about securing funding and worst part, they didn't like the way that I wanted management to participate in that funding round. Okay, it was their company and all, so not much I could do. I was asked to resign, which I did. I pretty much guaranteed that they would get change with this move, but I didn't say it would be positive change. We were scheduled to launch the new tea in March, which is a month away from today. That in itself was a very high hurdle to set, but we were on schedule. I even had about $450,000 in funding secured...enough to get the first inventory of product produced. The board asked the VP of Product Innovation to be the interim CEO. I heard that the first thing he did was to delay the launch. Change that they can believe in...NOT. It was hard to hear that the job I was doing was not good enough, or what the board wanted. I believed I was doing what was best for the company. I thought I had learned my lesson...I told myself not to get involved in anything unless I had control, and I broke that rule...I only had 10% equity, not enough to control things. In hindsight, I should have not jumped in so quickly...as fast as NFS moves, they really don't think much through, or plan strategically. They work by "feel" and jump in with both feet. That should have been a warning to me. But I was excited about doing something cool and something worthwhile...something fulfilling.
I did feel weird, though. Here I was working full time for a non-profit that was not Christian Relief Fund...which I love. I was on the board for CRF, while working for NFS. I did feel like I was cheating on CRF. I know, I know that sounds weird, but it's true. So, after leaving Headwaters, I wanted to find something that would excite and fulfill me. I also wanted to just take a break and chill for a while because I was feeling burned out. It was near the holidays, so I thought I would just wait until the new year to look for a job.
I went to our end of the year board meeting in Amarillo, TX in November. It was mostly business as usual...the books looked great, the growth impressive, and best part, we were sponsoring more orphans and needy children and feeding thousands of refugees in Kenya and Haiti. Towards the end of the meeting, the president of CRF reported that two candidates had been offered the job of director of field operations, but for some strange reason both had turned it down. I was half listening, but when I heard that I looked at him and asked, "what job?" He repeated the job title, and I said, "Milt, I would do that!" I had been praying for a way to work at CRF for over 2 years. I knew it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my working life. I love the organization, and I wanted to make a difference in the world. His reply, "Larry, you're joking, right?" I told him I was dead serious, and that it was something I had been praying about. He continued, "We could never pay you what you are used to making." He was trying to talk me out of it. At this point in my life, it isn't about the money. I could learn to live on less, make sacrifices, and not get caught up in things like title, salary, and lifestyle. I told him I wanted to be seriously considered for the job.
I still had people to convince...why would I want to move from Seattle to Amarillo for a third of what I would "normally" make? Luckily, my wife was not one of those doubters. She supports me without question. Her questions are more about my happiness and satisfaction. She would hate to move from Seattle, but she knows when I am serious.
She and I spent a long weekend in December in Amarillo interviewing, looking for an apartment, getting a feel for the culture. We will do the separation thing until our daughter finishes her studies at U-dub in 18 months. Our budget will be tight as we try to keep two households going, but we are game. I drove down to Amarillo the first week of January to start in my new position. It is challenging, exciting, and totally fulfilling. The stories I get to hear each day about lives that are changed are so amazing.
Amarillans are warm, hospitable, and genuinely friendly. The culture here is less diverse than Seattle; I describe it as a monocultural city. If you aren't Republican, it is best to keep quiet. Same goes if you don't like hunting, guns, BBQ, or country music. I wish I was kidding. I am finding my way around town and am looking for a place to worship. The number of churches astounds me after living in Seattle. I also found an Asian market that has 90% of what I would want. I find that to be a blessing.
My road to Amarillo has God's hands all over it. I have learned to trust in Him more and more. I am going to see where He takes me on this incredible journey of service and obedience. My life has changed so much since I promised to listen to the Holy Spirit more in my life as I make decisions. I'm just along for the ride.
Chow!
Last post was written while I was still doing the start-up thing. I was helping Not For Sale by starting up a beverage company that would throw 5% of all revenue back to the non-profit anti-slavery side of the organization. REBBL Tea (Roots, Extracts, Berries, Bark and Leaves) was the product, Headwaters Natural Products was the company. Two days after writing that post, I get a call from the chairman of the board...they want to make a change. I wasn't getting the product to market fast enough, they had doubts about securing funding and worst part, they didn't like the way that I wanted management to participate in that funding round. Okay, it was their company and all, so not much I could do. I was asked to resign, which I did. I pretty much guaranteed that they would get change with this move, but I didn't say it would be positive change. We were scheduled to launch the new tea in March, which is a month away from today. That in itself was a very high hurdle to set, but we were on schedule. I even had about $450,000 in funding secured...enough to get the first inventory of product produced. The board asked the VP of Product Innovation to be the interim CEO. I heard that the first thing he did was to delay the launch. Change that they can believe in...NOT. It was hard to hear that the job I was doing was not good enough, or what the board wanted. I believed I was doing what was best for the company. I thought I had learned my lesson...I told myself not to get involved in anything unless I had control, and I broke that rule...I only had 10% equity, not enough to control things. In hindsight, I should have not jumped in so quickly...as fast as NFS moves, they really don't think much through, or plan strategically. They work by "feel" and jump in with both feet. That should have been a warning to me. But I was excited about doing something cool and something worthwhile...something fulfilling.
I did feel weird, though. Here I was working full time for a non-profit that was not Christian Relief Fund...which I love. I was on the board for CRF, while working for NFS. I did feel like I was cheating on CRF. I know, I know that sounds weird, but it's true. So, after leaving Headwaters, I wanted to find something that would excite and fulfill me. I also wanted to just take a break and chill for a while because I was feeling burned out. It was near the holidays, so I thought I would just wait until the new year to look for a job.
I went to our end of the year board meeting in Amarillo, TX in November. It was mostly business as usual...the books looked great, the growth impressive, and best part, we were sponsoring more orphans and needy children and feeding thousands of refugees in Kenya and Haiti. Towards the end of the meeting, the president of CRF reported that two candidates had been offered the job of director of field operations, but for some strange reason both had turned it down. I was half listening, but when I heard that I looked at him and asked, "what job?" He repeated the job title, and I said, "Milt, I would do that!" I had been praying for a way to work at CRF for over 2 years. I knew it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my working life. I love the organization, and I wanted to make a difference in the world. His reply, "Larry, you're joking, right?" I told him I was dead serious, and that it was something I had been praying about. He continued, "We could never pay you what you are used to making." He was trying to talk me out of it. At this point in my life, it isn't about the money. I could learn to live on less, make sacrifices, and not get caught up in things like title, salary, and lifestyle. I told him I wanted to be seriously considered for the job.
I still had people to convince...why would I want to move from Seattle to Amarillo for a third of what I would "normally" make? Luckily, my wife was not one of those doubters. She supports me without question. Her questions are more about my happiness and satisfaction. She would hate to move from Seattle, but she knows when I am serious.
She and I spent a long weekend in December in Amarillo interviewing, looking for an apartment, getting a feel for the culture. We will do the separation thing until our daughter finishes her studies at U-dub in 18 months. Our budget will be tight as we try to keep two households going, but we are game. I drove down to Amarillo the first week of January to start in my new position. It is challenging, exciting, and totally fulfilling. The stories I get to hear each day about lives that are changed are so amazing.
Amarillans are warm, hospitable, and genuinely friendly. The culture here is less diverse than Seattle; I describe it as a monocultural city. If you aren't Republican, it is best to keep quiet. Same goes if you don't like hunting, guns, BBQ, or country music. I wish I was kidding. I am finding my way around town and am looking for a place to worship. The number of churches astounds me after living in Seattle. I also found an Asian market that has 90% of what I would want. I find that to be a blessing.
My road to Amarillo has God's hands all over it. I have learned to trust in Him more and more. I am going to see where He takes me on this incredible journey of service and obedience. My life has changed so much since I promised to listen to the Holy Spirit more in my life as I make decisions. I'm just along for the ride.
Chow!
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