"Chef" Larry

Okay, here is a funny story from Africa. My stories from Africa will run the gamut: emotion-packed, humorous, political, serious, religious, and personal. This is one that had a few of us laughing for most of our trip. 

Part of our "service" work on our trip to Kenya was to prepare and serve a meal after Sunday service wherever we were at. My turn in the kitchen was to be on our first Sunday in Eldoret, Kenya. 

Eldoret is one of CRF's newest projects, barely 2 years old. We started that work after my last visit. The project leader, Francis Bii is a rock-steady man that is accomplishing a ton with a little support. They are currently feeding and educating almost 2oo AIDS Orphans in the immediate area. So naturally we wanted to do whatever we could to lift their spirits, and for me, nothing works better than a good meal.

Our plan was to help their church members cook a big meal in celebration of our visit. We paid for food enough for all their church members and some visitors from the neighborhood slum. We were told to plan for 500 people! Our menu was a typical East African meal: stewed chicken, greens, potatoes, stewed mutton, rice, and beans. While services were going on, we cooks slaved over hot charcoal fires stirring mountains of food. A typical kitchen in Africa is not outfitted the way a western kitchen is. If you need another burner, start another fire! If you need a pot to cook in, move something out of the pot you want and put it in another container, any container! Hot pot holders to pull giant vats of cooked food off the fire? No such thing...find some cardboard, fold it up and hope it doesn't burn through to your fingers. Air-conditioned comfort? Nope, stand by the window and hope a breeze comes through. Waist high counters to chop veggies on? Get real! In Africa you bend over and chop everything on the floor! Now that I have painted the scene, we will get to the story.

Cooking everything in time for lunch required perfect timing, rushing around, and lots of choreography of moving food from pot to storage container. We were moving in a well-choreographed manner. 3 huge tubs of beans, 2 equally large tubs of perfectly cooked rice, 2 pots of potatoes, one giant one of greens, and one each of mutton and chicken stew. I had cut my finger earlier, and had a bandaid put on to help protect it from the heat, salt and other things that could possibly infect it. Finally it was time to serve everyone. A long line of people formed and we began dishing food out as quickly as we could. It was hot, thankless work and my back was killing me. I had seen the food prepped and cooked, so as my western pals moved through the line, I was warning them which foods to stay away from. For sure the Chai...I was watching them brew pot after pot of tea with milk and sugar and then dumping it into a large 20 gallon jerry can. I was pretty sure the can had been previously used for storing Permethrin, a very strong pesticide. 

I was on rice detail, and well onto the second large pot of rice when I noticed a sharp burning sensation whenever the hot rice touched where I thought my bandaid was. After the crowd started thinning, I looked down and noticed that the bandaid was missing!  Somewhere in that crowd of 500 people someone got a surprise in their meal. I hope they noticed what it was and didn't continue chewing when they found it!

I was finished serving and was chatting with my friends Julie and Milton. We were commenting on how the food was prepped and held for service, and I mentioned that I lost something during the serving of the food. Julie asked me what it was and I told her about my missing bandaid. I thought she was going to pee her pants she laughed so hard. She had to tell Milton, who also laughed uncontrollably. It may sound disgusting to many of you, but the humor in all of this for those of us that were there comes from the setting...chopping vegetables on a dirty floor, cooking over an open fire, the unsanitary conditions of it all...and one lost bandaid. Throughout the rest of the trip, whenever we wanted a laugh, we would mention the lost bandaid. Even now you will see references to it on our FaceBook pictures...now you all know the inside joke.

Chow!