5 years old is too young to die. She didn't even get a chance to start school. Her parents won't get to gush over artwork for the fridge let alone watch her grow up to be a young woman, wife, mother, successful business person, dancer; whatever dreams they may have had for her. She leaves behind a faithful, loving family that deserved a little girl to raise and love. Her little brother will barely remember her. She is survived by great-grandparents, grandparents, all her aunts and uncles, and by her parents. That just doesn't seem right, or fair.
What a weekend...we spent Saturday morning at a funeral for a brave little girl who has had cancer most of her life. You wouldn't think a child that young would have lived much, but judging by the size of the crowd that showed up for the celebration of her life, that kid lived a lot. She had the heart of a lion, with steely courage rarely shown in adults let alone a 5 year old. She accepted her fate without anger, self-pity, or tears. She only knew how to give love and acceptance. Her last week was spent reassuring her parents that she was ready...not only was she ready to see Jesus in Heaven, but she asked her parents to give her letters to take with her. That was how she let her parents know she was ready to go.
Sadness? Check out the parents. Compassion? No words can comfort them right now or ever. Stumble over something vague and meaningless, hug them and move on through the receiving line.
If I go back a couple of weeks to my first blog entry and read about how underrated I think sadness is, I feel stupid right about now. I do not know what to do about Jenna's death, and Chris and Michele's sadness. How can I show the kind of compassion I blogged about? How do I take on that kind of burden? Did I cry my guts out at that funeral? Yes. Did my hugs and awkwardness help them at all? Not a chance. So what do I do to honor her and help them?
I spent the rest of the weekend thinking about it. This is what I came up with. I will let Jenna's life inspire me. One of the profound things the minister said during the eulogy; and was confirmed by the nurses and volunteers who ministered to Jenna, was that Jenna had great parents, the best in the world. I cannot say that I am a good parent let alone the best parent. I will use the sadness and compassion I feel right now to become a better parent to my kids, their friends, youngsters I know and do not know. That is how her life can be celebrated by me. She knew she was loved, and had that love to give her confidence to love others. I need to let the younger generation know that I love them unconditionally, that I am there to help, not judge them, and that my love isn't going to be based on how well they perform.
Not very concrete, but it is a start for me.
God, I do not understand your need for Jenna right now, but I have to accept that you know better than I do. Amen.
Chow!
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4 comments:
When we talked last night about you going to a funeral, I was sad (because I am an overly emotional person sometimes). However that was before I even knew that it was a five year old, which made me tear up when i was reading your blog right now :(
What a difficult thing to deal with for her family and all those who knew her.
As you said though, I am sad but what can I now do? What can I take away from this? The thing I always come to most when people die is to carry along the great qualities that person had. So in this case, you were saying Jenna was very brave and strong. When you are faced with difficult situations where there is a need for those qualities, you can think of Jenna and you will have strength and be brave. In addition to this you said you find inspiration from her parents to be a better parent yourself. Grief is difficult to deal with, but it is a process... one that unfolds and minimizes with each day, never quite going away, but always in the back of our minds
Lexi,
You are a good friend, and I always appreciate your thoughtful comments. I also love how you take something away from each post to add to your life.
I will say that you are a great parent from the stories i hear and from what i see... you are a great person, but we can always be better in general... It is great to aspire to be a great/good parent, but dont think you are not already one. I wish my parents were similar to you. You have brought up two amazing kids, and they are a true reflection of their parents
PJ,
That would be a great eulogy for my funeral..."he was a great dad to Jeffrey and Melanie, and he was loved by his grandchildren..."
No need to talk about any other accomplishments than that.
Thanks for the positive reinforcement. You are such an awesome friend.
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