The Second Year is Tougher...

It has been two weeks since my oldest left for THE Ohio State University. It is his sophomore year. I actually am worse with missing him this year than last, and that has me thinking about why. So you all get the benefit of my musings and emotions.

Here is where I land on the subject of why it is harder on me this year than last. I think it is because his leaving a second time is really just marking time to when he leaves for the last time. It is closer now than last year. He has more ties, connections and emotions in Ohio than he had last year. Sure, he loves us and loves his home state, but he is starting to love Columbus as well. Last year we knew he was looking forward to coming home, this year he was looking forward to going back. I haven't been planning for this kind of emotion for me. I had been looking forward to the empty nest, but now I am not so sure. Now as I prepare for that separation, I have to do "scenario planning" so I am not totally wrecked. Part of that planning tells me that between his junior and senior years he will probably take an internship somewhere other than home, so really we have just one more complete summer with him being our "kid". Maybe I need to visit him this spring, maybe I can drive him home this summer and we can do a "road trip". That sounds like a good plan.

I have always wondered about parents wanting their kids to live near them; thinking that way seemed too limiting for the kids, but now I am feeling the exact same kinds of thoughts. Our neighborhood is full of young families where the Moms or Dads went away for school and a few years, but then have found their way back to their home neighborhood. The high school is full of teachers and administrators that went to that school as teenagers, and now find themselves back as adults. It was always strange to me, that tug of home, but now I find myself wanting that for my kids. Well, I struggle with that, because I do and I don't. In my head I want them first to go find their own way, to be the best that their abilities (and a little luck) will let them be, and if they can do that near us and home, so be it. But if that takes them overseas and far away, that is okay too. In my heart I would love it if they decided they could have a fulfilling career and make a life close to home. I regret not having more family traditions and making more family memories that might be a stronger magnet for home.

It's okay if this entry makes you cry...I am crying as I type this.

Chow!