Birthday Boy...Birthday Man

Valentine's Day happens to also be my oldest "child's" birthday. He turned 20 this past week, and it caused me to really think about a day when I can't consider him a child. He is already so grown up, independent, less reliant on his parents. We are at that awkward stage in life...in between taking care of him, and letting him take care of himself.

This is the point in child-parent relationships that nobody tells you about. You have to face it all on your own. It is a strange, weird feeling. When your children are your babies; totally dependent on you for their care, it is easy to assume that role. Raising them is the objective...caring for them is definition of the word, parent. Making sure they are well-cared for IS athe job of a parent. Even through high school, they NEED so much from us parents.

Now that he is 20, a sophomore in college, and thinking about careers, an adult life, and more importantly, a separate life, it gets tough. There is a feeling that we are starting to intrude on his life. I ask myself, what is my role now? Consultant? Advisor? Certainly not raising him anymore. No sense nagging him anymore...if he hasn't grasped hold of the meaning of life now, it is probably too late. The switch from primary caregiver to whatever I am now happened so quickly. It caught me by surprise. I sent him a nice e-mail on his birthday, talking about my 20th birthday, and then it dawned on me...our relationship is changing. I don't FEEL like his Dad anymore. I am not sure what I am, but not a Dad.

Seriously, I can't believe how amazing he is as a son. He really makes me proud. And that is the sad part...it is as if I am admiring him from afar. I am not able to toss him up in the air and make him laugh anymore. I can't fix his hair, tie his shoes, teach him to ride his bike, or tuck him in bed. I have to watch him live his life from an outsider's perspective. I have noticed that my wife and I are reliving some of those early parts of our kid's lives...remembering the funny way they pronounced words, the cute stories from their childhood; maybe that is my way of trying to slow it all down.

I remember what I wanted at his age...I wanted the respect from my father. I wanted him to know that I was capable of making good decisions, I knew what I wanted, and I was on my way to getting it; all without his help. My mom will always be my mom, and I will always let her take care of me, but with Dads it is different. Sons must show fathers their abilities and be released.

So, for his birthday present, I guess I will give him my respect as a man, and become his friend. I will let his mom take care of him. I will just love him, and hope to be a great example for him.

Chow!