My brother and I had the chance to talk about our dad experiences a few weeks ago by phone. We were laughing that Dad never taught us how to ride a bike, never helped us with homework, or talked to us about the opposite sex (unless he was making a joke). However he seemed to instill in us personal drive, generosity, commitment, morality, a love for travel and great food, and how to have fun. Dad is a popular social entertainer, and he is usually the life of the party. He can cook like nobody's business, and if you need someone to catch fish...put the rod in his hands. In my case I also learned to enjoy financial things, real estate, and the outdoors...I think I got that from him. He was always home for dinner, he never had any bad vices (a love for Scotch and Bourbon don't count), and he has stayed married to my mom for 51 years. His hobbies seemed to be ones that improved him somehow. He learned to fly a plane in the 1960's and play tennis in his 50's. He got his real estate license in his 60's and has succeeded in all three of those hobbies. He advanced his flying skills to include jets as big as a 737...he has been club champion in his age group in tennis, and he has turned his love of real estate into a second career after retiring from the US Government. Duke and I decided that it wasn't a big deal to not have that memory of Dad teaching us how to ride a bike...we have better ones. We have seen much of the world because of who our dad is...and we saw that world the way he wanted us to...the way the locals live, what they eat, and how to speak their language (as best you can manage). We never had the cushy posh accommodations, and he forbade us to even ask to eat at a McDonald's when overseas. I secretly cursed him for that one...but now I see, and more importantly, I agree with his perspective.
I find that I am subconsciously imitating him. I find myself saying the same things to my kids that he said to my brother, sisters and me. I guess imitation is the best form of flattery. So, Dad, consider yourself flattered! My kids laugh at how similar I am to Grandpa...they find it funny...I think it is a compliment. I did, however, add to the parental experience. I did teach my kids to ride bikes, how to swim, play sports, and have had those "talks" when the kids were the right age. Unfortunately I am not home for dinner every night, and I am less patient with loved ones as he was with me...this bothers me. But it is almost too late...maybe I will be a better grandfather than a father in that regard. I guess I will have to wait to see if my kids imitate me with their kids.
Our kids have it easier, and we seem "okay" with easing them into the world. Maybe we have the means to do the easing, but I am not sure it is the better way. I think learning about and experiencing some disappointment at a younger age strengthens us and keeps us persevering instead of quitting. We just think they shouldn't have to go through any pain. I don't think fathers believed that just a generation ago...because the reality is that there will be pain in life.
Believe it or not, but this blog has opened up lines of communication between me and my kids and even my parents. I think they like seeing my train of thoughts about personal things like feelings, my upbringing, and my opinions. Maybe it shows them my human side.
Chow!
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