Another Milestone

The blogging ritual seems to be lengthening between posts. I remember first starting out and wanting to blog every week, and being upset that I couldn't find the time. Then as time went along, it became less and less frequent...once a month became once in a while, and now it looks like once a year. Now I get upset because I can't think of blog-worthy material! I blame Facebook and the ability to quickly add a status change. That style matches my naturally snarky personality. I like making a quick quip and then waiting for the comments to pour in. But blogging helps me dump from my soul. It gets some very real feelings and emotions down on "paper", even figurative paper like an electronic blog. One day I will print all my posts...I think it would make the beginnings of a good book.

But, something major happened this past month. It is one of those milestone things in your life, it will generally only happen once, so that deserves a blog post. My first born has decided to marry. His now fiancee has waited patiently for him to make a decision about their future together. She hinted, strongly at times, and even enlisted some help from her mother, but he is a person of personal strength and conviction and does things only when he is ready. I had a feeling there was going to be an announcement coming soon. I am good at reading behavior in humans, and my son is a human. There were two things that helped me figure out what was up...1) he "agreed" with me that perhaps his roommate didn't need another 12 month lease, and 2) maybe he would give my jeweler friend a call. (I had casually let him know that we had a friend in the jewelry business, and if he should ever need the "family discount" to check with her first before shopping on his own.) So, with that information, I was able to put 2 and 2 together. I knew it was coming, but I was sworn to secrecy until he made the move. That is the toughest secret to keep. Especially from the wife...I knew I was in trouble when I agreed to keep it hush-hush. But I made him swear he would tell his mother first. And he needn't offer up the information that I helped him with the ring. But he threw me under the bus, and after Lori gave me the news that he and K. were engaged, she quickly turned to that tidbit of info. She said, "J said you helped him get the ring." I just stammered. I knew I was in trouble. There is no way to win in this scenario...you know your son will be proposing, and you aren't allowed to tell anyone, your spouse included. Plus, I knew she would want to be surprised anyway. I guess I know where my loyalty lies...with my kids. So I did what came naturally to me, I changed to subject to the engaged couple. I asked her when they were planning to get married. That worked...she quickly got into all the plans, locations, wedding party, etc. Later on she remembered my act of betrayal and asked me when he asked me to help with the ring purchase. I just told her, "You didn't really want to know, did you?" She agreed that she preferred to be surprised. Whew.

We are very happy for the two of them. We heartily approve of the union, and look forward to their life together as a family. It is amazing to go through this. You never know what to expect in the "feelings" department with your children, especially as they grow up and do adult things. Achievements and accomplishments are easy, you beam proudly. But relationship stuff is different. You are happy for them, and worried at the same time. They are young, inexperienced. They don't make a lot of money. Then there is another family to consider now...hers. The two families will be linked as long as they are linked. I like them already just because they are the parents of my son's fiancee, but that is it until we build our own relationships. But, I can look back at how Lori and I started. We were way younger, and way less responsible. We had way less money, and our families didn't meet until the wedding week! Lori didn't meet my parents until the wedding week, either! So, I can look at that experience and see how 30 years later we had nothing to worry about. So I will take comfort in knowing that my kid is much better prepared to go through this than I ever was. He is smarter and much more responsible than I was at that age.

Two weeks later and the preparations for the wedding are buzzing along. Then the next big emotional hammer is dropped on me...they want me to perform the wedding ceremony! What a compliment! What pressure! How do I inject humor, wisdom, and love all at the same time. How will I get through it without crying. All it will take is to take one look at Lori sitting there in the audience, bawling her eyes out for me to lose it. I will have to remember NOT to look at her during the ceremony. Now I have to figure out what to tell them, what wisdom can I share? I think I will keep it simple...and compare their union to Christ and the church, and how he compared it to his bride. Love is patient, love is kind...

Lots of family is planning to make the trip to the wedding. Jeff is the first male of his generation to get married. It is a big deal to his grandparents who have a special bond to their first grandson. It will be a party...I hope I make an impression on them that lasts their lifetime and that they can look on their wedding video with pride, and no cringing.

Chow!

Another Year in the Life...

It is December...time to reflect on the past year and marvel at how quickly it has gone by. I am amazed at how differently my life looks now v. just a mere 12 months ago. Let's do a quick review...

Let's see...I quit the food and beverage industry to work for my favorite charity, CRF, requiring a move to Amarillo, TX. My wife and daughter are still in Seattle, where my daughter has dropped out of school to figure out what she wants to do with her life. The dog went through a near-death experience and had to undergo emergency surgery to remove a 2-lb tumor in his abdomen (he's only 15 lbs!). I traveled to 5 different countries, including Mexico for the very first time! My visit to our CRF programs in Nicaragua, El Salvador, and Honduras was a highlight for me. I was also able to lead a group of New Mexico State Univ. students on a short term mission trip back to Nicaragua, as well as leading another group from Texas to Kenya in July. The summer was capped off by our all-Wu Family reunion in Honolulu. That was an amazing trip, and I picked up a new hobby; Gyotaku, the art of Japanese fish-printing. I also got to preach for the first time in my life at a wonderful church in Oklahoma City, and for the second time in San Saba, TX. Those experiences were enjoyable as I felt connected to the message of hope for our orphans. I hope it becomes an annual event for me.

[Sidebar: That trip to Hawaii showed all of my "hapa" nieces, nephews, and my own kids that the Hawaiian culture is where they belong and feel the most at home. They have never felt at home in either the US or Chinese cultures because they feel they always stick out in both cultures. Hawaii felt like home because they blended in with the locals. I expect a few of them to move there as a result. I also got to see them more as adults than children, and that was fun for me.]

The normal things also happened this past year. My oldest, the boy, is progressing well at his job. He is picking up responsibilities as he picks up skills, and he enjoys the work he is doing. He has the same girlfriend as last year, and they also are progressing down a path of inevitability...you know what that means. She is a sweet girl, and we really are happy for the two of them. She has made it a priority to get to know us and has visited us 3 times since they started dating. He has started prepping for his CPA exams.  Lori continues to work at her two dental offices. She also took specialized training to work as a certified home-care assistant, and is ready to take the state exam for her final step.

Someone asked me why I made the change. I think I did it for several reasons. 1) I was so ready to give back in a greater way, 2) it is a continuation of my decision to say, "yes" to God, and 3) I feel much more satisfaction from my life. It is amazing how God is so faithful to me. Lori and I were worried about how to make ends meet with us having 2 households and way less income, but that has not been a problem. I give that up to God. We have what we need, and we seem to be doing okay.

What will be the theme for 2013? I am not sure where God will lead me, but I think for sure Kenya, Haiti, Nicaragua, Uganda and Zambia...those trips are being set up now. Maybe it is better that I NOT know...I'm just along for the ride!

Chow!

Marital Advice

As Lori and my 29th wedding anniversary approaches, I have been reflecting a lot about our marriage and marriage in general. Not that I have the answers to the mysteries of being happily married (maybe it is just about staying married), but after 29 years, I have learned a few things that I want to share. When people ask me how long I have been married, I usually make a joke out of it and say, "Lori and I have been happily married for 20 years...29 total, but only 20 were really good." It is meant to get a laugh, but there is always some truth to joking. We have worked at staying married, and we will both admit that it was difficult, and still is.

I was reading a new Vince Flynn paperback, and I really loved his acknowledgements. He started out by saying that one of his goals as a person and author was to only have "ones" in his life...one editor, one publisher, etc. I am going to invoke that rule as well as it pertains to marriage. I want to only have one wife in my life. I shouldn't need another. I am not calling any of my divorced friends or family out, because I know that sometimes divorce is necessary and justified, I am just saying that it is a pretty good rule to have...as long as you are able to follow it. You have to be stubborn about sticking to the rule. I'm lucky that Lori has been stubbornly following this rule. I've said stupid things to her that she let roll off her back because of this.

First of all, I think the words, "mutual reverence" are key. "Respect" isn't enough. If I didn't revere Lori for who she is and what she does, staying married would be impossible. And it goes without saying that the same holds true for her. (But I just said it...not sure what that saying means..."it goes without saying", if we have to actually say it.) If one partner doesn't revere the other, that marriage is doomed to fail.

Second big thing I've learned is that neither of us can remember what much of our arguing was about all those years ago. Arguments are never worth remembering. They are moments where our stubborn selves get in the way of our reasonable selves and we say things we don't mean and regret them later. If you can remember with bitterness all of your arguments, you probably have a personality disorder that should be taken care of. It is just stupid stuff that doesn't have any bearing on your life together. It seems like the real issues that break relationships up are hardly talked about...or argued about; they are done in secret.

Thirdly, family ties run deep, but they shouldn't run as deep as your ties to your spouse and children. Oh, now I remember that many of those arguments between us were about our respective families...usually around the holidays. But, if you consider what is best for your wife and kids, you will make the right decision. It won't help to put your relatives in between you and your spouse.

Fourthly, money is the other main arguing point that comes up frequently in my relationship with Lori. It has taken us a while to figure out that arguing about money never helps. Being open about our concerns, fears, and worries  to each other does help.

Coming in fifth is that you have to know that love changes over time. There are reasons for why you love someone that never change, and there are some that do change. The ones that change usually have to do with physical attraction and...sex. There, I've said it. Focus on the things that don't change, and work on the ones that do.

I make it sound as if following these 5 thoughts will lead to a happily married life. If it were that simple, I would have my own talk show. The word that should have come up first is "faithfulness." I put it last because I want to make a point. Our God is a jealous god, and deserves our faithfulness.  If you both are faithful to God first, and then each other, He will help you work through the other 5.

In fact, if you think about it, these 5 points actually help in your relationship to God as well. It is not just coincidence that I have been in a relationship with God for 32 years. "One" God, reverence for Him, no secrets, don't put people between you and Him, be open to Him about your finances, and your reasons for loving Him will grow and change...these tenets have helped me stay faithful. I hope these help you, too!

Chow!

Family Reunions

Some people hate that time of year when they get an invitation to the "annual family reunion picnic" at the local state park. My family does them differently...we wait to have them only every few years, and we pick a spot that guarantees good times and a good turnout. Oh, and we limit them to immediate family and a few friends that always want to tag along.

Here's the list of places we have gone: The very first one was Cape May, NJ. We rented a large Victorian house complete with gingerbread trim near the beach. It was my immediate family...parents, siblings, spouses and kids. Second one was DisneyWorld in Orlando at Christmas...guaranteed good time. Next was Yellowstone National Park, followed by a 10 day excursion to China, then Virginia Beach, and most recently, Honolulu, Hawaii. We know how to have a good time. These past 20 years have created great memories for all of us. There is the occasional argument, misunderstanding and regretful behavior, but all in all, we enjoy seeing each other and cry like crazy when we have to say goodbye. We all live so far apart that these opportunities to gather really do create emotional atmospheres.

Each location holds special memories for me. Some are strictly about fun, but some, like our China trip, was about connecting with our roots. They are ALWAYS about good food and social interaction, though. We sometimes plan our next meal while still eating the current one! This last trip to Hawaii was a combination of all of these reasons. We were able to reconnect our families, our old friends, new friends, while eating together and having fun together. The kids are now old enough to really enjoy each other's company, and they spent many a late night at the local watering holes talking about their crazy parents. There is even talk of a "cousins only" reunion so they can hang out and party without their parents watching. I love seeing them interact, get to know each other better, and best part...become friends. They may be related by blood, but they like each other's company, too! We even had the next generation with us as my niece brought her 7 year old son...a grandnephew, great-grandson, and second cousin to all of us. I am proud at how my nieces and nephews have grown up into awesome adults. They are all such caring people. They want to make the world a better place, and are striving hard to be independent and successful. They are spiritual and are relying on God to help them in life. That is awesome that our kids are developing their own love for Christ that I have.

So keep your t-shirts, mugs, and giant reunion picnics. I like mine small, intimate and in exotic locales. Rumor is that the next one being planned will be a cruise. I'll go anywhere to be with my family, and I hear the food is pretty good on those cruise ships.

Chow!

Happy Father's Day To Me!

I have been thinking about being a father, and what keeps popping up in my head is a whole collection of memories of my kids as they were growing up. Special memories that make fatherhood such a blessing for me. Here are a few in no particular order...

• Calling home while I was on a business trip and hearing my sweet kids' voices telling me they loved me. When I talk to Melanie on the phone now, I still picture her as a 4 year old with a Dorothy Hamill hair-do. Jeff was such a talker when he was younger...now he is more of a thinker. 
• Having both kids run up and hug my legs when I would come home from work or a business trip. 
• How they each said, "Dada" for the first time...Melanie's was more of a, "dadjy"
• Remembering how they would pronounce words when they were learning to talk. Jeff would walk up to us when he was barely two, holding his arms up and say, "Holdyou?" Meaning he wanted us to pick him up. Melanie at three would wrinkle her nose and say, "I smell somfing." 
• I loved playing in the pool with them. They are both great swimmers now, but when they were learning, it was such great fun. I still crack a smile when I think about Jeff diving through the blow up ring and getting it stuck on his neck. Melanie wearing her goggles everywhere (still does!) and diving down in the deep end to catch a frog for me. 
• Teaching Jeff how to ride a bike, then drive a car, and then how to invest his money. 
• Making home made spaghetti sauce with Melanie in our kitchen and teaching her how to make her favorite beet salad.
• Baptizing Jeff in the Pacific Ocean at Playa Vista. 
• Watching Melanie and her grandpa eating weird foods together in China. They bonded over sashimi and duck tongues. 
• Driving across the country with Jeff as we went to take him to school in Ohio. Just him and me.
• Being in the theater when we discovered Melanie needed glasses at 5 years old. She watched the movie with my oversized glasses on, which was hilarious to see. 
• Quietly sneaking to Jeff's room to secretly watch him play with "Patchy-Pie" and his Beanie Babies...he made the cutest voices for his animals. 
• Melanie playing Godzilla through Jeff's building blocks which he neatly stacked. 
• Her fuzz head days when she wouldn't sit still to eat, so we fed her like a bird...we put food on the window sill and when she went by, she would take a little bit and then continue on with whatever she was doing.
• Jeff's face when he discovered that he really liked ice cream.
• Melanie asking me to take her to try grasshoppers at the local Mexican restaurant. 
• The joy they both had when they received acceptance letters to the schools of their choice. 
• Making our favorite meals for special occasions, and cooking for all their friends when they came over unexpectedly.
• All those band concerts, parades, soccer games, swim meets, football games, and recitals. I love watching my kids perform. 
• I loved the sense of accomplishment they each felt when they presented their savings accounts to me; showing me they met the goal we set before leaving for college.  Their faces were beaming with pride at their accomplishment.
• I remember each of their births in detail. I will never forget the doctors telling me that they each were healthy. 
• I remember the day Lori and I made a decision to keep Melanie when the doctors thought she would be a special needs baby at birth. We thought we would be the best parents for a special needs kid. Her birth was a very special day because she was perfect. 
• Watching my kids sleep. It is so peaceful and comforting to see them sleep no matter what age they are. 
• I loved when they would visit me in the office...I could show them off to my co-workers. 
• I love their smell when I would hold them and they fell asleep. 
• I like how brave they are. They don't cry or complain much when it comes to pain. They are tough. 

There are so many great memories, big and small that make me so proud to be a father. I hope my dad has the same kind of memories that I have of my kids. I'm sure he does...he always jokes about them, so I know he has a list, too.

I love being a father, but I love being "Dad" more. "Father" is my job description, but "Dad" is how my kids see me. So Happy Father's Day to me!

Chow!

Man's Best Friend

We had a bit of a scare today...our little dog, Pepper had to go under emergency surgery. Lori called me with the news that she had taken him in to the vet this morning because he had been lethargic all week, and didn't have an appetite. He even turned his nose up at a Cheetoh she dropped on the floor, and he didn't want to go for a walk. He has been spending all day in his nest under the bed. It turns out that he has a giant growing tumor in his tummy. The growth was so extensive that it was pushing all his internal organs to one side. The vet was hopeful, but she said that she would have to make a decision once she opened him up. If it looked benign, she would remove it as best as she could. If it looked cancerous, she would euthanize him right there on the operating table. His lethargy had a cause, it wasn't the rainy, cold weather, or the long, lonely days he spent in the house by himself. It was a giant growing mass causing him discomfort.

That lethargic behavior is just not like him. He is usually full of spunk, energy, and life. He has the most personality of any dog I have ever known. He actually thinks he is human, or that we are all dogs in his pack. He talks to us, and is pretty good at communicating what he wants from us. He has given us so many funny memories and stories. If you know us, you have heard some of them. My favorite Christmas memories over the past 10 years or so are of Peppy (his nickname) tearing into the presents. He loves to open presents. For a small 18 lb. dog, he is bigger than life.

As Lori was explaining all the options, she sounded strong, upbeat and hopeful. I told her to text the kids to let them know that Pepper may not make it...that is when she lost it and couldn't talk anymore on the phone. She had to hang up and email me later with the latest. I quickly said a prayer for my little friend. He has done nothing but bring our family joy for the past 13 years. He seems much younger, and still has a lot of living to do.

The good news was delivered later that afternoon. The mass was not intertwined with any of his organs, it was a free-floating mass that was growing on his spleen, which was removed. The vet thinks he will recover and give us a few more years of companionship.

That is a great word...companionship. That is his strength and his personal mission statement. He never leaves us, and is always at our side (or on our lap). I used to make fun of people who spent thousands of dollars on their pets. Well, now I am proudly one of those suckers. He is worth every penny. He wasn't my first choice for a dog when we started looking for a pet, but I'm glad he is part of our family. He can't hunt birds, or retrieve ducks, or even pull a sled, but he tries to please me and is smarter than some 7th graders. He has snuggled his way deep into my heart, and I am thankful for that. I always tease the kids and tell them that I "hate Pepper"...that I "hate having to love him." The kids think that is funny, and say, "we knew you loved him."

I want to tell my little "companion" that I really do love him, and wouldn't trade him for anything. I hope he recovers quickly, and that he has years of healthy living ahead of him.

Chow!

The Emptying Nest

I am experiencing yet another milestone in my life…my youngest, my baby girl now has a real “grown-up” job (as she describes it). She was having doubts about her life, the direction she had chosen, and came to Lori and me for advice over Christmas break. As a junior at the local university, she felt (and we agreed) that she should have an idea of her future career. She didn’t have any idea and that thought panicked her a little. She had doubts about her major and where that was leading. She didn’t feel passionate about anything besides marching band, and realized there are limitations to making a living in a marching band. We didn’t resolve these issues for her easily or quickly. We had many sessions, discussions, emails and phone calls.  Sometimes those sessions were calm, quiet, pensive, and other sessions were agitated, emotional, and painful. But in the end she had a plan that she could execute, and that calmed her heart a lot.

Our first piece of advice was to drop out of the University while she figured things out. This was purely an economic move as she was costing us over a grand a month pursuing a degree that she didn’t want. She felt she wanted to work in the food industry somehow, so I encouraged her to get a full time job in the food industry to see if it was a real attraction for her. She could earn some dough and at the same time “interview” the industry. The other option was to get a job in the pool servicing industry. This is her other passion. She loves working on pool equipment. She has a natural knack for the mechanics, and she can keep a pool sparkling. Find a job with a pool company and decide later on your future was my advice. Part 1 of her plan: find a full time job to pay her bills.

I had always thought she had the food gene, though. Her interests were always in what cool things I was working on. She loved coming to my office when she was younger. She loved the smells that come from the production of food and beverage products, and she has a very discerning sense of smell and taste. As a young child her keen sense of smell always amazed me. She could smell things and describe them to me. That is an innate skill with her. And she loves food. Why not let it make some money for her? If she enjoys the work, she can always go back to school for a degree in food science, chemical engineering, or microbiology. But those degrees are so far from the music degree she had started on. She would have a ton of catch-up coursework to do in the basic sciences. So part 2 of her plan: get her leveling coursework done at a community college. This almost killed her. She felt it was humiliating to drop out of the prestigious university and attend the local community college. We told her it is so different now, but after talking it over with friends she trusts (not us); she got over that pretty quickly.

I am proud of her for developing a realistic, sensible plan and then executing it. She applied for food industry jobs through connections I had and landed one. She will be a customer service representative at a small food ingredients broker. She will have to work two sides of the value chain. Their principals expect new sales opportunities for their ingredients, and the end customers expect full service sales and technical support for the dozens of companies they represent. She will learn a ton about the industry and the language used in it. I hope she sticks with it. The opportunities will be there if she does a good job. 

Her plan will always require “tweaking”, but the main parts will always give her something to work from. Maybe one of my progeny will follow me down the path of developing innovative food and beverage products for an industry that has been very, very good to me. After 3 days of her new job, I am swelling with pride.

Chow!

Happy Mother's Day!

Last year for Mother's Day I posted a tribute to my mom, but this year it is a tribute to my lovely wife of almost 29 years and the mother of our two amazing kids...Lori. How do I describe the type of mom she is? A fierce lioness or mother Grizzly bear defending her cubs against a threat comes to mind. She can also be a "Helicopter Mom" hovering above her children to make sure everything goes just so. She can pose as that secret stalker, going through Facebook looking for posts, updates and photos of her kids, wondering what kind of friends they have and worrying about their behavior. She worries because she cares deeply. Her children are THE most important aspect to her life. She isn't happy unless her kids are happy, she isn't satisfied until they are, and she won't sleep if they can't.

Her life revolves around the kids. I promised not to tell stories about her ferocity or enabling behavior, so this won't be a typical blog post from me. Straight tribute...no fun.

I always knew my mom loved me, but I wouldn't call my mom a "Helicopter Mom" type. My mom cared for us, raised us, loved us, but easily let us grow up and move out of the house. I think Lori would be happier if our kids lived with us forever...sure, bring an in-law or two along as well. She's like her dad in that respect. He just likes his family around him, and Lori has taken on that trait.

Nothing is too good for her kids, and she would sacrifice if they really asked for something. I make her sound extreme, but from my perspective, she can be. But the real test to motherhood is to see how the children have grown. Our kids are amazing. People tell us all the time that we did a good job of raising them. They are respectful, smart, and best of all, they don't take things for granted. They may be a little spoiled, but all in all, the two are ideal.

Lori gets the majority of that credit. I might have wanted to be a little tougher on them, but she knew the right amount of coddling to give the kids. I may have moved them around a lot growing up, but Lori always found a way to make it a learning adventure. She planned it so they would enter a new school before the end of the year so they had chances to make friends for the summer. A mom thinks about things like that. And I think my kids are better for it. When they fussed in anger, she took it squarely on the chin. She never cried in front of them, but in the privacy of our room she would cry her eyes out for her kids. They never knew how much they could hurt her feelings. But a mom takes that, and doesn't return that anger. She was always supportive, listened and let them vent angrily. I'm less accepting of that behavior and could show a little anger. But instinctively she knew not to react to their anger. Maybe only good moms know that.

In the animal world, a mother feeds, raises and teaches her baby to be self reliant, and then releases them to a cruel world. But most babies don't make it to maturity in the animal kingdom. They become food for a hungry predator. In the human world, a mom's investment in her offspring doesn't end at physical maturity. It continues through successful adulthood and then progeny. A good human mom knows she's done when her well-adjusted kids give her super grandkids.

Lori is the best human mom that I know. I may be biased because I married her, but even if I look objectively at the results, I don't know who can compare. She isn't a grandma yet, but she is patiently waiting for a chance to be that proud one. Then maybe she will relax, park the helicopter, and revert back to being my wife again.

Chow!

Family Traditions

The wife and I were discussing how our kids are growing up, getting on with their lives, etc. Then she sighed a big sigh. "I wish we could go back in time and do things differently." she said. I replied, "What would you change?" She thinks we don't have any real family traditions. She sees her kids going to their significant others' family events and having fun. Melanie's boyfriend's family has a monthly dinner on a Sunday, where everyone shows up, plays games, eats dinner and hangs out. Jeff's girlfriend's family has a second home on the Colorado River in Arizona where they go on the weekends. Lori grew up much the same way...every Sunday meant a family supper at the grandparents house, and every summer meant summer camp and renting a cabin on the lake. I grew up differently. We never went to summer camps, we didn't bbq much, we didn't go on ski trips, and if it involved extended family, we usually just ate together.

I think it is the same for most Chinese families like mine. If you stayed in China, it meant you probably lived on a farm with generations of farming history. You have your extended family close because it was the family business...you were all farmers. If you fled China during the revolution, your life was never going to be the same. Your extended family was probably in a few different countries. Sharing your life together was impractical and nearly impossible. So you try to adopt the traditions of your new home. In our case, that was the US. For my aunt, that was Indonesia, and so on. There was no homeland anymore. Find new traditions. We moved around so much and lived in so many foreign countries that I thought that was the tradition...3 years here, 2 here, and move. Make new friends, and move again. Get settled in high school, and then move.

As I matured and met my wife, that life was foisted on her. We moved a lot in our time together. It was our family tradition. Get a new job, and move. Buy a new house, and move. Lose a job, move again. Is it creating regrets as I get older? I don't think so. I think my kids are able to adapt to new situations pretty quickly. I think they are able to make friends anywhere. I think they have learned a variety of things about US history and culture. They have seen and done a lot of things their friends have not. They have experiences that stretched their minds and enriched their lives. Do I ever wish we had strong family traditions? Sometimes. Do I regret submitting them to that lifestyle? Never.

Maybe after Melanie gets married, her spouse will have an affect on their family traditions. I hope so. But she will be able to bring her life of experiences with her to that new family. A love for the Kentucky Derby for one...what it was like to climb the Great Wall of China and eat strange foods; that will be another thing she can share with her new extended family. Jeff can tell of the time he was able to see his beloved Philadelphia Eagles play live at Cowboy Stadium, and how they beat my Cowboys that day. Or how he got to bargain with street vendors in Shanghai for his cool souvenirs. For sure both my kids have eaten more weird foods than most people would dream about. They have traveled to more countries, and experienced more culture than many of their friends.

I think the Wu family tradition is not to have any traditions...well, maybe my Thanksgiving cooking, St. Patrick's Day Corned Beef, and pan-fried noodles might be considered lesser traditions, but in the big picture, our tradition is to take life as it comes and make it an adventure. It has been unpredictable, and I like it that way.

Chow!

Happy Birthday, Jeffrey!!

Happy Birthday, Son!

It is hard to imagine how quickly you have grown up. I still remember the day you were born 24 years ago like it was yesterday. I was actually telling the story to the office staff here the other day. I don't know if you've ever heard the story, so I will tell it to you now...

Mom's contractions were about 5 minutes apart when we decided we'd better head to the Princeton Medical Center to have her deliver you. Up until that night, you were a pretty normal pregnancy...you made Mom sick for 6 months, she got huge carrying you, and she was so skinny we could see your arms and legs move under her belly skin. It was like an alien was in her! But we argued over baby names. She wanted Timothy, and I wanted Fraser...that story you have heard.

When we got to the hospital, there was only one other couple giving birth in that whole maternity ward...we thought it was weird that they put us right across the hall from the other couple. We got Mom all tucked into the bed...our room had no TV, so I had to keep myself entertained by watching her monitor...I would tell her when I thought a contraction was coming...it is like a huge muscle cramp. She snapped at me that she was experiencing them personally and didn't need to know when they were coming or how big they were! That is the scientist in me, watching the data and making observations...haha. About an hour later we started hearing awful screams of agony coming from the other room. The poor birth mother was screaming at the top of her lungs. She must have been right in the middle of delivering her baby. Mom was getting terrified, and our nurses tried to calm her down. They closed our door, but you could still hear the blood-curdling yells. I guess the other father had had enough, and he yelled at his wife, "Dolores, shut up already!" I was dying to see who they were.

Your delivery was without too much drama, mostly pain endured by Mom, but when you popped out, you were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen! You had hair, your scrunched up face was all puffy from Mom pushing you out, and you were long. You were also covered in white, waxy stuff that we wiped off of you. I think it is to keep your skin from getting water logged sitting in Amniotic fluid for 9 months. After we wiped you off, you turned pink, and started to cry. Mom nursed you right away. She was tired from the labor, but she was smiling and crying at the same time. I got to weigh you, and wash you and then put you under the warming table. Mom slept, and I watched as they did all the testing they do on newborns...making sure you were a normal human baby. You passed all your tests, except your bilirubin count was a little high, meaning your liver function hadn't kicked in. I went home late that evening...poor Clipper was waiting for me. He hadn't been out all day, so I put him out. Mom gave me a little stocking hat that you wore to let him sniff it so he would recognize you when you came home later.

I went in early the next morning to check on you and Mom. I finally got to see Dolores and her husband! They were standing outside the nursery looking in on their baby through the glass (I think they named him Christopher, which was one of Mom's short list names for you). I was shocked to see Dolores...she was about 6'3" and weighed in at about 280. Her husband was my height and maybe 170 lbs. She was in a pink floral night gown and robe, but she was wearing lumberjack boots! She looked like a hillbilly! I kept wondering where they had come from because we were in Princeton, NJ. Then I saw why she was screaming during delivery. Her baby looked like a 2-year old! He was 15-1/2 lbs, and 28 inches long! The nurse attending to Mom said that this was her second baby. Her first one had the record for Princeton Medical Center...17 lbs and some ounces! Her kid barely fit in the bassinet in the nursery. You weren't a midget at nearly 9 lbs, but next to him, you looked like a preemie. Because there was already a "Christopher" in the nursery, Mom refused to name you that. She also didn't think you looked like a Timothy, so we named you, Jeffrey. Your middle name comes from your Grandpa Chuck. That is a tradition Mom and I started. Good thing we only have two kids, cause we ran out of Grandpas!

I think we took you home after the second night because your bilirubin count was high enough. They had a special meal for us that day after Valentine's Day because we missed celebrating while Mom delivered you. We had a steak and lobster dinner up in a private dining area. It was nice. We had good insurance back then, I think your whole hospital bill was about $6. I think Mom ordered a TV for her room, which cost $3 per day on our plan, or a phone in her room, I can't remember. Everything else was covered. I might have that figure wrong, but it was affordable, whatever the cost was. Ask Mom, I am sure she still has that hospital bill in her files...haha.

Our lives have never been the same. These 24 years have sped by. I can hardly believe that you are on your own, living in a different city, working, paying your own bills, etc. It is mind-numbing to think about it, but it happens to all of us. I have more appreciation for my parents and Mom's parents and what they went through raising and then letting us go. Just as I hope one day you will have an appreciation for us because you will be going through the same emotions as you see your kids grow up. That is a day I am looking forward to...when you become a Dad.

You are still my baby boy, and I have so many special memories of you growing up. I wish I could take you back to show you how cute and smart you really were. You had the best belly laugh as a kid. And boy, were you a talker!

Love,

Dad

The Road to Amarillo

Yes, it has been way too long. I have had inspiration to write, but no time. Then more stuff piles up on my "to write" list, and then I get overwhelmed. I need to catch up.

Last post was written while I was still doing the start-up thing. I was helping Not For Sale by starting up a beverage company that would throw 5% of all revenue back to the non-profit anti-slavery side of the organization. REBBL Tea (Roots, Extracts, Berries, Bark and Leaves) was the product, Headwaters Natural Products was the company. Two days after writing that post, I get a call from the chairman of the board...they want to make a change. I wasn't getting the product to market fast enough, they had doubts about securing funding and worst part, they didn't like the way that I wanted management to participate in that funding round. Okay, it was their company and all, so not much I could do. I was asked to resign, which I did. I pretty much guaranteed that they would get change with this move, but I didn't say it would be positive change. We were scheduled to launch the new tea in March, which is a month away from today. That in itself was a very high hurdle to set, but we were on schedule. I even had about $450,000 in funding secured...enough to get the first inventory of product produced. The board asked the VP of Product Innovation to be the interim CEO. I heard that the first thing he did was to delay the launch. Change that they can believe in...NOT. It was hard to hear that the job I was doing was not good enough, or what the board wanted. I believed I was doing what was best for the company. I thought I had learned my lesson...I told myself not to get involved in anything unless I had control, and I broke that rule...I only had 10% equity, not enough to control things. In hindsight, I should have not jumped in so quickly...as fast as NFS moves, they really don't think much through, or plan strategically. They work by "feel" and jump in with both feet. That should have been a warning to me. But I was excited about doing something cool and something worthwhile...something fulfilling.

I did feel weird, though. Here I was working full time for a non-profit that was not Christian Relief Fund...which I love. I was on the board for CRF, while working for NFS. I did feel like I was cheating on CRF. I know, I know that sounds weird, but it's true. So, after leaving Headwaters, I wanted to find something that would excite and fulfill me. I also wanted to just take a break and chill for a while because I was feeling burned out. It was near the holidays, so I thought I would just wait until the new year to look for a job.

I went to our end of the year board meeting in Amarillo, TX in November. It was mostly business as usual...the books looked great, the growth impressive, and best part, we were sponsoring more orphans and needy children and feeding thousands of refugees in Kenya and Haiti. Towards the end of the meeting, the president of CRF reported that two candidates had been offered the job of director of field operations, but for some strange reason both had turned it down. I was half listening, but when I heard that I looked at him and asked, "what job?" He repeated the job title, and I said, "Milt, I would do that!" I had been praying for a way to work at CRF for over 2 years. I knew it was what I wanted to do for the rest of my working life. I love the organization, and I wanted to make a difference in the world. His reply, "Larry, you're joking, right?" I told him I was dead serious, and that it was something I had been praying about. He continued, "We could never pay you what you are used to making." He was trying to talk me out of it. At this point in my life, it isn't about the money. I could learn to live on less, make sacrifices, and not get caught up in things like title, salary, and lifestyle. I told him I wanted to be seriously considered for the job.

I still had people to convince...why would I want to move from Seattle to Amarillo for a third of what I would "normally" make? Luckily, my wife was not one of those doubters. She supports me without question. Her questions are more about my happiness and satisfaction. She would hate to move from Seattle, but she knows when I am serious.

She and I spent a long weekend in December in Amarillo interviewing, looking for an apartment, getting a feel for the culture. We will do the separation thing until our daughter finishes her studies at U-dub in 18 months. Our budget will be tight as we try to keep two households going, but we are game. I drove down to Amarillo the first week of January to start in my new position. It is challenging, exciting, and totally fulfilling. The stories I get to hear each day about lives that are changed are so amazing.

Amarillans are warm, hospitable, and genuinely friendly. The culture here is less diverse than Seattle; I describe it as a monocultural city. If you aren't Republican, it is best to keep quiet. Same goes if you don't like hunting, guns, BBQ, or country music. I wish I was kidding. I am finding my way around town and am looking for a place to worship. The number of churches astounds me after living in Seattle. I also found an Asian market that has 90% of what I would want. I find that to be a blessing.

My road to Amarillo has God's hands all over it. I have learned to trust in Him more and more. I am going to see where He takes me on this incredible journey of service and obedience. My life has changed so much since I promised to listen to the Holy Spirit more in my life as I make decisions. I'm just along for the ride.

Chow!

Time to Re-Abolish Slavery

I just returned from the Global Forum on Human Trafficking. It was a 2 day event where 1500 activists, slacktivists (that's me), abolitionists, and interested stakeholders gathered to hear about the existing problems and then to hear about proposed solutions to these problems. Every speaker who came to the stage shared sobering and unacceptable facts and heart-wrenching stories of people they met as they learned about this human tragedy. Some were rescued and have great follow-up stories to their lives...some were not, and their whereabouts are unknown. We thought we had abolished slavery in the 19th century. Didn't we have a "great Civil War" to end the trafficking of humans? The problem has only grown since Abraham Lincoln was President. In 1865 there were about 8 million enslaved people. That number is now up to 30 million.

There are still too many stories about individual suffering under slavery, forced labor, sex trafficking, and debt bondage. I heard the statistics over and over again as each speaker took to the stage. Everyone had one number correct...30 million modern day slaves. If I play a numbers game, and I figure that for every 10 humans enslaved, there are 5 business people involved in the supply chain transactions, that puts the total of people in the world either in, or involved in human trafficking at 45 million. That would make it the 30th largest country by population in the world...right between The Ukraine and Tanzania. Even if I just use 30 million, that is still a country in 41st place between Sudan and Peru. If it were a state in the US, it would rank 2nd, right behind California, and well above Texas. When I think about it in those terms, I am floored by the sheer size of the global problem.

Here is the sad fact...slavery is an acceptable condition in our world. Imagine if an entire country were enslaved, the UN would denounce it, sanction it, and ask the US to invade it to overthrow the obviously cruel and unjust government. If it were an entire state in the US, there would be a civil war to right that wrong. But since it is widespread throughout every nation, it doesn't get the same reaction and outcry. Since it is a lucrative business the stakeholders are able to buy silence and acceptance.

This silent curse is now being exposed by groups such as the International Justice Mission, CNN, Al Jazeera, and Not For Sale. I got to see the bravery, and "pull no punches" attitudes of these organizations. They are cooperating and asking the world to join them. This is not really a political battle, it is a very black and white battle of good v. evil. Every human being should be against it. It is not a difficult choice.

There is excitement about new approaches to raising awareness and new ways to combat this evil. I am happy to have our company be a part of a new wave of social enterprise. If we have success, it means that lives will be forever changed for the better, and that we will get to tell good stories of emancipation, of repatriation, and of change.

We thought we abolished slavery in the 19th Century...we were wrong. It's time to re-abolish it in our lifetime.

Chow!

Live on Less and Donate More

The data was disturbing, and the comparisons in lifestyles between how the average Kenyan and the average "poor" US family lives was shocking. Here, let me share with you those comparisons: (from 2007, but relatively speaking, the stats haven't changed)

97% of “poor” Americans own at least one color television

80% of “poor” Americans have air conditioning

75% of “poor” Americans own at least one car

The average "poor" American residence has 2.56 rooms per person with approximately 740 sqft. per person and 100% clean water access

The average Kenyan residence in the capital of Nairobi has 0.27 rooms per person with approximately 55 sqft. per person and 40% clean water access

(The Census Bureau defines an individual as poor if his or her family income falls below certain specified income thresholds. These thresholds vary by family size. In 2006, a family of four was deemed poor if its annual income fell below $20,615)

I got these facts in an email from my friend Dave the other day. It came about a week after we returned from a life-changing trip from Kenya. After that trip, Dave has figured out that our standard for defining "poverty" is very different from the poverty he has come to experience in the slums of Kenya. In all instances, our "poor" still do not miss many meals, and have the choices in foods that they want to eat, generally speaking (there are exceptions, I am sure). The poor in other parts of the world are guaranteed to go hungry, and having a choice of foods is unheard of. Our poor generally have access to adequate health services of decent quality. In Kenya the access to health care is almost non-existent, and if you need to go to the district hospital, God be with you. Your chances of survival are slim. I have heard the expression that the poor in our country are still better off than 90% of the rest of the world, and now I believe it. In Kenya, the median income is just over $700 per year, and the poor are trying to live on $1 per day.

I don't flaunt these statistics to say that our poor aren't poor. I use them to make a comparison, and a point. For the 89% of Americans that live above the poverty level, which includes me, we need to be thankful, grateful, and generous in our giving.

Dave and his wife Sara have been supporters of CRF for years. They had never been to Kenya before, but had heard the stories, seen the pictures, and wanted to see for themselves, so they joined on our most recent trip there. I think Dave used the word, "bombshell" to describe how affected he was by what he had seen and experienced. I have seen a lot of things there, but the most poignant was when a small group returned from their visitation of late-stage AIDS victims in the slums. All 5 adults were in tears after visiting one young woman named, Patricia. I listened as Dave and Patti told the story of that young woman they had just seen. All of us listening to their story were moved to tears as well as they broke down, unable to fully describe their experience. Not only was she infected with AIDS after being sexually assaulted, she lived with severe epilepsy. "Living" is stretching it. She could only lie on the floor of a dirty mud hut with excrement all around her. She was skin and bones, yet tried to get up to show hospitality for her guests. There was no food, no furniture, no possessions to speak of, but she still wanted, or needed to show hospitality to visitors. That is the Kenyan way. After hearing her story, they asked what was being done for her. The health care worker with them quietly said that there wasn't much they could do for her, her late stage of the illness meant resources might be wasted. How does one accept that fate for that poor woman? In that small group was a doctor and two nurses...they would not accept that fate. Perhaps her late stage of AIDS development would not let her live much longer, but the rest of her life should be lived out in some semblance of dignity. They left food for her, and one of the women in the local HIV-AIDS support group promised to care for her. Imagine being that healthcare worker and having to make life-and-death decisions on who should have food or not. I thank them for taking on that responsibility and not having it fall on me. But more importantly, how do I make sure they have enough resources?

I think that is where Dave is with his life. I think that is where I am with my life. What can we do to make sure they have enough resources so they don't have to make such life and death decisions.

I have so much stuff! My possessions overwhelm me sometimes. They get in the way figuratively and physically. I would hate to tell you how many color TV's I have in my house and in my basement going unused. I have AC, I have 3 cars in my driveway, and stuff...boy do I have a lot of stuff! I hate doing the math to figure out how much I have spent just on stuff. I am not alone in this. My daughter is cleaning her room out after her sophomore year in college. Where did it all come from? I am almost paralyzed when I think about trying to rid my life of the extra stuff I have everywhere.

I have decided that I will live on less and donate more. It is a good mantra to have. It is what my God wants from me. Will you join me?

Chow!

Kenya Mission Trip #4; Mission Complete!

Wow, trip #4 to Kenya is already over and done with...that was the longest AND shortest 2 weeks I have ever experienced. This trip had special meaning for me because I finally convinced my brother, the doctor, to join me. You remember him, don't you? I wrote an entry on him a few years back for his birthday. I think it is the funniest piece I have ever written. His wife says it explains his inability to trust...oh well. Having him along was fun for me. He got to experience all the stories I have been telling him, and it was great spending 2 weeks with him. He has good stories to tell now, and I hope he will continue to love Kenya as I do.

We had a big group this time...17 intrepid travelers, most of them first-timers. This group was the easiest group so far...everyone seemed prepared, open, and unafraid of anything. Drama-free and eager to get to work is the best a group leader can hope for, and this group embodied both of these traits. We had some amazing young people...full of maturity, common sense, and fun. I "bonded" with two students from Western Kentucky University, Amy and Emily. We had fun making each other laugh over our meal experiences. Say "sheep colon" to either of them, and watch them bust a gut laughing. It was a mixed bag of travelers: a family unit (minus 3 of their younger kids but adding another 14 year old), a young married couple from Texas, a cattle rancher, a home-building contractor, 2 nurses, my brother the doc, a preacher, the college girls, the President of CRF, and the two trip leaders (Julie and me).

Let me say this about my co-leader: she did all the hard work. The planning, organizing, etc. She made it easy for me...that was the promise she made to me to get me to agree to go again. She said she would make it easy on me if I would help her lead the team while in Africa. She kept her promise. This was Julie's 2nd trip to Kenya, and my 4th. I don't know why, but I love it over there. Things are natural for me in Kenya. I get into the culture, the rhythm of the people, and I feel accepted there. I understand it in Kenya...I can't say that about any other place, including the US.

The work is always rewarding. We designed this trip to be more medical in purpose. We brought over 100 lbs of prescription meds, we got training in the Village Medical Manual before we left, and we designed courses to teach the kids on oral hygiene, water purification, malaria prevention, and hand-washing. Oh, and we brought along a doctor and 2 nurses to help out at the clinic. We always over-plan and try to do too much, and this trip was no exception. We seem to forget that the concept of time management in Kenya is run by the seasons and not a stopwatch. What we thought would take an hour takes several hours in Kenya.

In reality, the purpose of bringing people to Kenya is to let them experience the children and the work of CRF. They get to meet the saints that care for thousands of orphans and HIV+ men and women. It is thankless work, and our trip is in part, to thank them. The children are the most loving in the world. They don't need a reason to love you, they just do. They seem afraid of you at first, but after that initial hesitancy, they learn to open their hearts to you. They want to know everything about you because it gives them a view into your life. They are so easily satisfied and thankful. That is the amazing thing about these children. Orphaned by a horrific disease, living in conditions of poverty, they are joyful, loving, and happy. What does it take to make a kid in the US happy? If you can answer that, let me know...

100% of the people I bring to Kenya change their minds about why they are coming. If you ask them, they usually say they originally came to help, to teach, or to love. What they say afterwards is that they were helped, that they were taught, and that they were loved.

Yes, we got a lot done. We taught the kids how to properly wash their hands, brush their teeth, and we applied fluoride to all of them. We taught 5 groups of leaders the Village Medical Manual, we even worked in the health clinic. But we were unconditionally loved by hundreds of kids who had hope because of Christian Relief Fund, and we got to thank the tireless workers who hardly ever get thanked.

My brother has donated the meds we delivered two years in a row. I am glad he came to see the clinic and how underfunded it is. He learned that we have been wasting time and money by bringing meds in from the US in our luggage. He found them cheaper in Kenya. Turns out it was a communication breakdown. The clinic director had asked last year for specific meds he couldn't get in Kenya, and when we asked him for a wish list of meds he needed, he put down what he was missing in his inventory...he didn't want to tell us that he could get them in Kenya, his desire was to do what was asked, so he gave us a complete list. How crazy! So we wasted weight in our luggage that we could have used for shoes, teaching supplies, etc. for meds that could be bought in Kenya at 1/5 the price! So now we know!

Here are two quick stories I learned this last trip. The first is about twin brothers who were just found and sponsored, and the second is about a boy who was one of the first sponsored in our Eldoret project started 4 years ago.

Ronnie and Randy are brothers that are about 4 years old. Identical twins, they were abandoned by their mother who ran off after giving birth to them. They were taken to their maternal grandmother to be cared for. The grandmother was barely surviving on her own, being a widow without property, and worked long hours gleaning in the fields to make enough to live on for herself. I will lay out the life this poor widow lived. She gleaned in the fields for greens, potatoes, beans, etc. that were not all captured by the harvesters. She paid the farmer a small amount for the right to glean in his fields. Whatever she gathered she would take to the market and sell, usually making 100 shillings per day ($1.20). Of that 100 shillings, it took 20 shillings to buy coal for one meal, another 25 for oil, 20 shillings to buy a tin of maize, and 7 shillings to grind the maize into meal to cook. The rest was used to pay rent, buy kerosene for her lamp, and clean water to drink. This woman was busy 12-14 hours per day. She did the best she could, but could not afford daycare for the twins. She would lock the boys in her hut all day by themselves. By age two, the boys had developed their own language that no one else could understand. It was how they coped. When the grandmother heard that CRF was sponsoring children, she rushed to get them registered. They were given sponsors a month later, and their lives changed. The school principal named them Ronnie and Randy to give them names. They now attend nursery school and are fed 3 meals a day at school. They are 4 years old and are learning Swahili and English, though they prefer their own language of grunts and noises when by themselves. The two boys were almost wild, having learned to fend for themselves since birth. They had no concept of social skills, and had free rein of the village they called home. They preferred to fight the other children rather than learning to socialize with them. The school environment is giving them a chance to develop normally, and they now have lots of friends. I got to visit their home with the principal of the school. The grandmother is grateful to CRF, and tells me that her boys had no chance without us. Her life is no easier, but at least now she has some help. We don't blame the grandmother, she is trying her best to survive...this is the aftermath of the HIV-AIDS pandemic.

Barnabas Kipsoges is another success story. 4 years ago he was one of the first kids we sponsored when we started a project in Eldoret. When we first came to Eldoret, we were expecting to find only 20-30 kids needing sponsorship. Greeting us instead that first day were over 150 kids needing sponsors, and another 100 or more that couldn't make it to that first meeting. Overwhelmed was our initial feeling. But gradually we found sponsors for all of them, with more being registered with CRF everyday. Barnabas was one of the lucky 30 that first day. He was an emaciated and starving 13 year old. After getting regular feeding, he has turned into a star athlete that is the pride of Eldoret and his home country of Kenya. Barnabas has a knack for running. That is a Kenyan trait. Some of the best long distance runners are Kenyan, and Barnabas must have that gene. He is now one of the top junior runners at 5000 meters, running close to 4 minute miles. He is now 17 and sponsored by the Kenyan military. He is grateful to CRF, and to show his gratefulness, he bought a used SUV to donate to the Eldoret office of CRF to help get the workers around.

These stories help motivate me to continue to work for CRF. All children need a shot of hope to have any chance at success. That is what CRF does...it gives hope to children who don't have any.

Chow!

The New Deal

Let's see, 3 weeks ago today I had a heated discussion with the boss and quit. The next week I get 3 job offers, but don't take any of them. I decide to look for something a little closer to my heart, and the perfect scenario is brought to me. I think I found something amazing. Let me share with you, and you decide.

So last post I talked about perhaps putting my non-profit passion together with my start-up skills. Well this week I found my new job. It really was created for me. I will be starting a for-profit beverage company with a non-profit affiliation. The non-profit? Not For Sale (www.notforsalecampaign.org). The beverage company? A company that makes and sells ready-to-drink tea made from an herb grown in the rainforest of Peru. Why Peru? Not For Sale has a large project in Peru helping to free sex slaves and then training and counseling them for a better life. Maybe if we start a business based on something of value from the rainforest, we can employ people and pay them fairly so they can make choices about their futures.

This herb is already growing in knowledge and use in the US, and could be uniquely positioned in the beverage market. Also the affinity to Not For Sale will help create the social message we need to drive sales amongst the Millennial age group (you young-uns!). Sorry, I can't reveal what that herb is yet...you will find out soon enough!

I think this is perfect for me...I love the excitement of a start-up, and feel my personality is best suited for the unclear, ever-changing world of start-ups. I don't panic, I usually can find a solution, and I have a great network of contacts. It is also the beverage world, which I know very well, and am experienced in developing both products and brands that consumers enjoy, AND I will be able to start a social enterprise. Three for three. Now I just have to make it work.

If you have anything to offer me as I venture down this path, expect a call or email from me! And for sure stay tuned for more details.

Chow!

Turning the page

I started a new chapter in my life yesterday. I decided to end a bad situation turning worse every day by quitting my job after 18 months. I loved the people, the work, and the potential of the company, but I couldn't quite connect with my boss the CEO. We didn't see eye to eye on one very critical factor (in his opinion). Otherwise it was a good job and company. We were getting lots done, meeting objectives, gaining new business, new customers and new opportunities to bid, so that part was okay. He didn't like the fact that I sometimes took time off to get personal business done. I have never been measured by anything other than results, outcomes, and met objectives and have always made companies loads of money, but in this situation he wanted more from me than I could give. He was under the impression that I was gone a lot more than I really was, and wanted me to make a decision about what priorities were at the top of my life. It felt like an ultimatum...decide now on my life's priorities.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in hard work and an honest day's pay, etc. But vacation is up to the discretion of the employee, isn't it? How I use my days off should be my business, and when I use them should be based on when I want to use them, right? I guess not all bosses believe that. So instead of making promises I couldn't live up to, I decided it was better if I left. After a testy email exchange after yet another question about where I was and my loyalty to the company I decided that enough was enough. I went in on Monday and resigned. We discussed things and he tried to make it work by asking me to commit to a 40 hour week. I had already been putting in 45, so I knew it was only a matter of time before 40 turned into 50, and then 60 hours a week. I told him that I could lie to him and say that I would be there 40 hours a week, but in my heart I knew I could not. I have other responsibilities in my life, and sometimes those other duties require me to make them a priority.

I have always been very transparent about those other duties...in fact, when I interviewed I made it clear that I had these "things" going on. Soon after I started, I even gave him a list of those duties along with approximate times I would need to take off work. For example, my board membership with Christian Relief Fund required at least 2 Fridays a year for board meetings, and at least 2 weeks of foreign travel. My advisory and board membership of SmartCup required 4 weekdays a year for board meetings and other unscheduled meetings with investors, banks, trade shows, etc. I also had advisory roles with 2 other small companies that I helped with management and technical problems on that list. So all in all, at least 3 weeks out of the office. Sorry for being busy and trying to help the less fortunate...dang, how rude of me! Out of 4 weeks vacation a year, 3 of them are burned up on business and charitable stuff. No wonder I never get to do anything fun in my life...

So on to my next adventure. I got the best piece of advice from one of my former co-workers. She told me (thanks Shana!) that I should do something that takes my professional talent and combine that with my passion for non-profit work. She thinks I should help non-profits start up for-profit businesses to help fund their work. Hmmm. Great idea.

Saying good-byes are always hard, but as soon as I told him I was done, I felt so free. It felt good; it felt right. And there is no going back for me. I wish my former company and co-workers good luck. There are way bigger problems there than my hours, and hopefully they will find that out soon enough.

Chow!

Larry at 5-0

On the occasion of my 50th birthday, I write this entry. I have been thinking about this topic long before I turned 50, but at this milestone, I figured I should get it down. I have noticed a not-so-gradual change in my personality...it happened fast, maybe over the last 6 months or so. It is scary. I wonder if everyone goes through these stages of life the same way.

Top Ten List of Changes When You Turn 50

10: I hate ice cold drinks anymore...hurts more than refreshes.

9: I need to slow down when driving at night now.

8: I have accepted that gas is a part of life.

7: I enjoy crossword puzzles.

6: Just to be sure I heard correctly, I ask people to repeat things.

5: I plan things around trips to the bathroom.

4: I actually thought about buying a burial plot.

3: I have been writing my own obituary, but not getting too far on it.

2: My new favorite word is "idiot", and there seem to be a lot more of them around now.

1: I am actually starting to think that velcro shoes are a great idea!

When did I get old? I am becoming what I NEVER thought I would become...a man with limitations. Both physical and non. I can't lift as much, walk as far, or see as well. I am at the twilight of my working career, and that realization is hitting me hard.

I think I now understand what a "mid-life crisis" is. As a young man, you live your life looking forward to milestones of accomplishment. I think the crisis hits when your best milestones are behind you and you start looking back on your accomplishments. Without the dreams to propel you forward, you actually start looking for that feeling of accomplishment in other ways...fast car, new wife, new hairpiece, etc. You buy the best accomplishments your money can afford. Need and common sense have no place in those decisions...you want it, you can afford it, so you get it! I totally understand that now. It might seem ludicrous to your family, but perfectly reasonable to you. I get it! I don't know why I am coveting that new gun...I don't absolutely need it, but I want it, and I have always wanted it...why shouldn't I have it?

At 50, I have few regrets in life. If I had 2 events to relive in my life, I would do them over better, but that isn't bad when I look back. Other than that, I have accomplished way more than what I set out to do. Maybe I didn't dream big enough, but I had no real plan as a young man. I had a philosophy...open doors that are presented to you, and pick the ones that seem to teach you new things. All my decisions, personal and career-oriented were based on that philosophy. God has blessed me with everything accept the ability to "do-over" my mistakes...they are learning events, painful at first, but wholly useful.

I completely understand that saying, "Youth is wasted on the young." I feel like I am just beginning to give back to society and to help the less fortunate. I am running out of time and it bothers me. I want the energy I had as a young man combined with the knowledge that I have as a older man. Strange how life does that to us...just when we get to know ourselves and see our real potential it is time to think about slowing it all down. Maybe I will choose not to. Maybe that mid-life crisis desire can be channeled to do good.

Maybe...

Chow!

Thanksgiving Post 2010

Here I am, sitting in a warm house with the lights on, food in the oven, and loved ones on the way home. I have a lot to be thankful for! Each year I try to really dig deep in my soul and discover what I am truly thankful for...not only what, but who as well.

This year I will have a bunch of "whos" to thank.

1. I am thankful for people in my life who actually do what they say they will do. I have not had too many disappointments in my life. I have been able to count on a ton of people this year. Top of the list is my ever-loving wife, Lori. The rest of the list is pretty long...my family is always there for me. Outside of them I can add to it: Milton, Barbie, Francis, Jared, James, Thomas, Linda, Julie, Chante, Ken, Dave, Shana, Stacey, Rick, Jeff, Mike, Janice, Donna, Donald, Roya, PJ, Candace, Jana, Tom, and John. You all have saved my bacon so often, and I appreciate this quality about you.
2. I am thankful for a God that seems to never let me down. He sets me up and supports me so that I am able to do what I say I am going to do. I don't feel over-committed, but people say I am crazy to do what I do on a daily basis. I pray that I have not been a disappointment to anyone in my life this year. I try to finish what I start, and I try to say "yes" when I really have the time and energy. I don't know why, but whenever God answers my prayers I am amazed. I should expect it! But "Oh me of little faith" is always so confounded when he answers them. And I ask for ridiculous things for His Kingdom to grow. Maybe that is what always surprises me...
3. I am thankful for the comfortable environment God has blessed me with. I shouldn't have a worry in the world. I don't worry about where my next meal will come from, or that if I turn a switch I can have heat, light, food, or water...whenever I want it. Knowing that my friends in Kenya can't always count on that, and have to fight daily for survival makes me feel guilty...but I can still be thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving! I wish we could celebrate it everyday because that is just the right way to do it. But once a year makes it special. Please think about all the things in your life that you are thankful for. And go a step further...tell those people you are thankful for them.

Chow!

Today I left my son after a quick weekend visit. I happened to fly through LA on business and had a few hours to catch up with him. It was nice spending that time with him...I don't get to see him that often anymore. I like looking him in the eyes when we talk...I learn so much more than when we chat on the phone.

He has started his "adult" life now...a job, bills, and the other responsibilities that come with that title. As a parent it is always so hard to see your kids struggle. In their youth it is issues with bullies, schoolwork, sports, or peer relationships, the basic issues of growing up. Now that he is grown, it is about careers, success, financial stability, and his happiness. Like I said, I hate to see my kids struggle. If he is like I was at the same age, it didn't feel like struggling. It was exciting. But now that I look back on my life, my parents were asking me the same types of questions I ask him now..."Do you have enough money? Are you saving anything? Do you need groceries? How's the car running? I didn't realize it then, but I do now. I guess I am worrying about his current life situation. I hate hearing that he is lonely at times and misses the girl he left behind in Ohio. But I can't fix it...I can only listen and worry. I want him so badly to be happy, to find happiness in his new surroundings. He seems happy and he always reassures me that things are okay. I hope so. But in my mind (and pretend world) things could always be better.

His sister causes me worry as well. She says she is feeling "lost" not knowing how her life will be in the near future. She worries that she won't be able to find a good degree that suits her that leads to a career that she will not only love but make tons of money at. I keep reminding her that she is only 19 and shouldn't really know yet. How many sophomores in college know what they want to do in life? But I remember those feelings as well...and then I accidentally fell into my career passion. I believe that if you are too organized then you don't give yourself an opportunity to grow. You never find adventure and opportunity. Too organized = too safe. I have always wanted my kids to discover the world like I was able to. New experiences can help that. Don't be too closed off to new experiences, I tell her.

Her unsettled feelings cause me to worry. I can't help it. Parents always want their kids to have it better than they did. We want them to surpass us in success...but we can't live their lives for them or make their decisions. That is the tough part!

Does this worry ever end? I don't think so because my parents are STILL asking me the types of questions that tell me they still worry about me. Relax Mom and Dad; things are okay! Really they are! (I only wish I could take my own advice!)

Chow!

Week in Eldoret Part II

Wednesday night is when we met our "angel", Simon. Nich and Kyle were playing the guitar outside the dining hall and Simon approached them with some friends. They were talking music, playing a little, singing a little and just enjoying each other's company. The rest of the group came out of the dining hall and joined their little songfest. Simon told us he was a believer and had a song to sing to encourage us. He looked a little like Seal. A childhood accident left half his face a little deformed, but he was still a good looking man. He sounded a little like Seal when he sang as well. It was a hymn we all knew, so we joined along. The crowd still in the dining room watching TV looked out at us in a disapproving way, so we decided to head to a smaller room to continue our impromptu singing. We sang some songs for Simon and his friends, who were there with World Vision for some training on how to handle child abuse. The Africans then helped compose Swahili lyrics for the chorus of one song, Blessed Be Your Name. We then all sang it and decided we would sing it back in the states. Simon was full of encouragement for the work we were doing in Kenya. He had notable things to say, and the kindness in his voice was soothing. Yep, this is how I would describe an angel. More than just a nice guy, this person was encouraging, uplifting, and full of the Holy Spirit. The next night he showed up with thoughtful and very appropriate gifts for each of us. Like he knew us deeply. (Cue spooky music!)

Thursday was supposed to be our long drive to Barwesa, but we thought better of it after the stuck episode earlier in the week. The road to Barwesa was worse than the one we got stuck on. The people of Barwesa were expecting us, and were disappointed that we would not make the party we were sponsoring in their honor. Francis decided to send some of his representatives, so we got them travel funds and a few gifts to honor the tribal elders and their wives. We heard later that there were over 1000 people there to help us celebrate peace and an end to their fighting and famine. Wish we could have been there. The guys that went ended up stuck for days because the roads got washed out during the rain that wasn't supposed to fall. They also got a little sick from something they ate...like I said, a better decision to stay.

Our last day was spent at two projects: Barnabas' Posho mill (flour mill), and Kamoisie, another CRF Center where kids are sponsored, fed, educated and cared for. Barnabas' flour mill was built through a micro finance loan. It is his pride and joy! Prior to building this mill, Barnabas' wife and neighbors had to walk up to 5 km each way every day to get corn ground for supper. That burns up a lot of time and energy for those that do that chore, mainly children and women. The local posho mill means more time spent at home rather than on the dangerous roads. Barnabas charges 7 shillings per kilo of corn. It coincides with the wholesale price of a chicken egg. People barter all over Kenya. Eggs can then be sold for 25-30 shillings a piece at the market. It will take him 3 years to pay off the loan, one egg at a time. His other pride and joy is the new church built on his property. Barnabas tithed part of his plot to the church to build a new building. It is a simple structure, but full of peace. It was very contemplative to be in that building surrounded by farm plots. His plot is barely an acre, but the corn was high and healthy. Barnabas and some of his neighbors took advantage of our farmer cooperative, another microfinance project. For $50, we can provide a farming family seed and fertilizer to grow an acre of crops. Our payment at harvest is 2 bags of whatever grain or crop is sold. The bags of grain are then sold when the price is higher (later in the year). Payback is at worst break-even, and at best it will double. This is our second year of this experiment. The steady rains have the corn really high and with double ears per stalk! We also heard about a widow nearby with four small children, so we set off to visit. We found her home and met the children, but the mom was out scrounging up some food and was not home. We left some money with Barnabas to help her out. Barnabas then hosted us for lunch. His 8 months pregnant wife Christine waited on us hand and foot. She refused help of any kind. They think she is pregnant with twins. Kenyan women are tough, strong, and can do anything! On our way back to the guesthouse we stopped by another farmer's plot, and also saw Francis' new house being built. He also took a loan to build this house so he can rent out his other house further out of town. It will be a nice, quiet place in the country to raise 3 boys.

Thursday night we spent at our favorite restaurant...The Siam Restaurant. This time I got to go and I met the Chinese owner...Mrs. Yu. She told me about her daughter who was going to Duke University in Raleigh. Her daughter speaks Chinese, English, French and Swahili fluently. Her 14 year old son is more African than Chinese, she says. We have a nice conversation before the food started arriving. Chinese food in Kenya is authentic, tasty, and the most expensive meal you will have...in comparison. It is still relatively inexpensive for westerners, but way out of the average Kenyan's income. The Africans love the food, and it is their favorite choice. It was Keven and Alicia's wedding anniversary so the Africans sang them a traditional Kalinget wedding song. The words basically mean that the community all agrees with the union and give it their blessing. It was a beautiful song, and I like the fact that the community has a say in your relationship. It must be because the community really relies on each member helping out. A good partnership marriage ensures a better, harder-working community and all benefit. Maybe we should try that in the US...instead of soaking up resources, marriages should contribute to the community. The Renovo group also presented me with a beautiful painting of Africa and a well-written Thank You card. They appreciated the work I put in organizing the trip and making sure they saw, heard, tasted, smelled, and connected with Africa. I am glad the trip is a success in their eyes.

Morning came early as we packed and headed to the airport. Francis, Mzei Paul, Ibrahm, Barnabas and Wilson Melly came by to wish us all a farewell. We spoke of gratitude, hope, friendship, and promised to return. We prayed for unity, blessings on the work, and safe travels for us. As usual, tears fall and hugs abound. Airport security would not let them pass through, so we had to rush a good bye in the street! Luckily we had already said our farewells earlier. We couldn't believe we were on our way home! Our flight to Nairobi was uneventful.

No sooner had we landed and there was Thomas Murai outside waiting for us. He had arranged for us to store our baggage at the luggage hold area, and had also arranged a matatu for our use. He wanted to take us to the Masai Market, a tourists mecca for souvenir shopping. Oh, Thomas is my cousin Candice's new father-in-law. I had just met him at her wedding to his son, Michael. At the wedding he insisted that we call him. He is a very generous man. He refused to take money for the matatu, which is not cheap! He also bought me lunch and took over half a day off to host us...many of whom he had never met! I owe him a big one! Thanks so much Thomas!

The Masai Market is as promised...row upon row of vendors. They are used to Japanese tourists who don't haggle, so they start their prices about 10 times higher than what is should sell for. Once they figure out that you know what you are doing, the prices drop drastically. I found a few Ethiopian silver crosses and a star of David for my Jewish co-worker. Ethiopia was the first African country for both Judaism and Christianity. I bought a couple of cool beaded necklaces, an Urungu for Thomas made of ebony, and an antelope horn vuvuzela! Score! Our flight to Brussels was not scheduled to depart until 10:40 pm, so we could take our time. Traffic was terrible, but we made it back to the airport by 6 pm. We collected our bags and checked in. Then we wandered the Nairobi airport shopping in the duty free stores!

I slept the entire flight to Brussels. I couldn't tell you if anything interesting happened! We had a 5 hour layover, and a few of our group wanted to go into town. Five ended up going into town for a quick look-see. The group that stayed were treated to a huge breakfast of fried eggs, roasted tomato, nice bread, coffee and bacon! I decided to risk it, and bought a box of Cuban cigars...Romeo and Juliettas, my favorite! Everyone else bought chocolate. It was an uneventful flight to Washington, DC...I watched 3 movies and read some. As soon as we landed in the US, everyone pulled out their cell phones to call their loved ones. We made it through customs with no problems...whew! AFTER clearing customs, I shared a few cigars with Keven, who promised to keep his mouth shut about my illicit activity.

On our last leg home, I was reflecting on my 2 weeks...What had I learned? I always learn something profound when I go. This time it was about simplicity. The Africans believe a simpler gospel than I do. They read a simpler Bible, too. My gospel needs to be explained thoroughly. My Bible needs interpretation and exejesis to understand it the right way. My friends in Africa read the word and do it...nothing more, nothing less. They are the ones with true religious freedom. They speak and live a more 1st century version of Christianity than I do. They preach Jesus the Savior and feed hungry people. I think that is why I love it so much when I am there. Read the word, hear the word, obey the word. See the need and meet it. Love unconditionally. Show generosity. Give openly. Help always.

I am glad to be home, but I miss Africa already. Who is going with me next year on our medical mission trip?

Chow!