Another Milestone

The blogging ritual seems to be lengthening between posts. I remember first starting out and wanting to blog every week, and being upset that I couldn't find the time. Then as time went along, it became less and less frequent...once a month became once in a while, and now it looks like once a year. Now I get upset because I can't think of blog-worthy material! I blame Facebook and the ability to quickly add a status change. That style matches my naturally snarky personality. I like making a quick quip and then waiting for the comments to pour in. But blogging helps me dump from my soul. It gets some very real feelings and emotions down on "paper", even figurative paper like an electronic blog. One day I will print all my posts...I think it would make the beginnings of a good book.

But, something major happened this past month. It is one of those milestone things in your life, it will generally only happen once, so that deserves a blog post. My first born has decided to marry. His now fiancee has waited patiently for him to make a decision about their future together. She hinted, strongly at times, and even enlisted some help from her mother, but he is a person of personal strength and conviction and does things only when he is ready. I had a feeling there was going to be an announcement coming soon. I am good at reading behavior in humans, and my son is a human. There were two things that helped me figure out what was up...1) he "agreed" with me that perhaps his roommate didn't need another 12 month lease, and 2) maybe he would give my jeweler friend a call. (I had casually let him know that we had a friend in the jewelry business, and if he should ever need the "family discount" to check with her first before shopping on his own.) So, with that information, I was able to put 2 and 2 together. I knew it was coming, but I was sworn to secrecy until he made the move. That is the toughest secret to keep. Especially from the wife...I knew I was in trouble when I agreed to keep it hush-hush. But I made him swear he would tell his mother first. And he needn't offer up the information that I helped him with the ring. But he threw me under the bus, and after Lori gave me the news that he and K. were engaged, she quickly turned to that tidbit of info. She said, "J said you helped him get the ring." I just stammered. I knew I was in trouble. There is no way to win in this scenario...you know your son will be proposing, and you aren't allowed to tell anyone, your spouse included. Plus, I knew she would want to be surprised anyway. I guess I know where my loyalty lies...with my kids. So I did what came naturally to me, I changed to subject to the engaged couple. I asked her when they were planning to get married. That worked...she quickly got into all the plans, locations, wedding party, etc. Later on she remembered my act of betrayal and asked me when he asked me to help with the ring purchase. I just told her, "You didn't really want to know, did you?" She agreed that she preferred to be surprised. Whew.

We are very happy for the two of them. We heartily approve of the union, and look forward to their life together as a family. It is amazing to go through this. You never know what to expect in the "feelings" department with your children, especially as they grow up and do adult things. Achievements and accomplishments are easy, you beam proudly. But relationship stuff is different. You are happy for them, and worried at the same time. They are young, inexperienced. They don't make a lot of money. Then there is another family to consider now...hers. The two families will be linked as long as they are linked. I like them already just because they are the parents of my son's fiancee, but that is it until we build our own relationships. But, I can look back at how Lori and I started. We were way younger, and way less responsible. We had way less money, and our families didn't meet until the wedding week! Lori didn't meet my parents until the wedding week, either! So, I can look at that experience and see how 30 years later we had nothing to worry about. So I will take comfort in knowing that my kid is much better prepared to go through this than I ever was. He is smarter and much more responsible than I was at that age.

Two weeks later and the preparations for the wedding are buzzing along. Then the next big emotional hammer is dropped on me...they want me to perform the wedding ceremony! What a compliment! What pressure! How do I inject humor, wisdom, and love all at the same time. How will I get through it without crying. All it will take is to take one look at Lori sitting there in the audience, bawling her eyes out for me to lose it. I will have to remember NOT to look at her during the ceremony. Now I have to figure out what to tell them, what wisdom can I share? I think I will keep it simple...and compare their union to Christ and the church, and how he compared it to his bride. Love is patient, love is kind...

Lots of family is planning to make the trip to the wedding. Jeff is the first male of his generation to get married. It is a big deal to his grandparents who have a special bond to their first grandson. It will be a party...I hope I make an impression on them that lasts their lifetime and that they can look on their wedding video with pride, and no cringing.

Chow!