The Second Year is Tougher...

It has been two weeks since my oldest left for THE Ohio State University. It is his sophomore year. I actually am worse with missing him this year than last, and that has me thinking about why. So you all get the benefit of my musings and emotions.

Here is where I land on the subject of why it is harder on me this year than last. I think it is because his leaving a second time is really just marking time to when he leaves for the last time. It is closer now than last year. He has more ties, connections and emotions in Ohio than he had last year. Sure, he loves us and loves his home state, but he is starting to love Columbus as well. Last year we knew he was looking forward to coming home, this year he was looking forward to going back. I haven't been planning for this kind of emotion for me. I had been looking forward to the empty nest, but now I am not so sure. Now as I prepare for that separation, I have to do "scenario planning" so I am not totally wrecked. Part of that planning tells me that between his junior and senior years he will probably take an internship somewhere other than home, so really we have just one more complete summer with him being our "kid". Maybe I need to visit him this spring, maybe I can drive him home this summer and we can do a "road trip". That sounds like a good plan.

I have always wondered about parents wanting their kids to live near them; thinking that way seemed too limiting for the kids, but now I am feeling the exact same kinds of thoughts. Our neighborhood is full of young families where the Moms or Dads went away for school and a few years, but then have found their way back to their home neighborhood. The high school is full of teachers and administrators that went to that school as teenagers, and now find themselves back as adults. It was always strange to me, that tug of home, but now I find myself wanting that for my kids. Well, I struggle with that, because I do and I don't. In my head I want them first to go find their own way, to be the best that their abilities (and a little luck) will let them be, and if they can do that near us and home, so be it. But if that takes them overseas and far away, that is okay too. In my heart I would love it if they decided they could have a fulfilling career and make a life close to home. I regret not having more family traditions and making more family memories that might be a stronger magnet for home.

It's okay if this entry makes you cry...I am crying as I type this.

Chow!

Preparing for the "Empty Nest"

Lori and I were sitting home tonight on the sofa in the family room watching Jeopardy! on TV, and we realized that we were alone. Jeff is off to college and Melanie was away at some school function. We didn't have any projects going, and we could actually sit and relax. We kept wondering why we were able to just sit there and veg out...well of course! It's because the house is completed and on the market.

I was thinking to myself that tonight must be what the "empty nest" will feel like once Melanie heads to college (hopefully far enough away to have to stay on campus). It was too quiet, actually and it will take some getting used to. Not that it will be a bad thing, but just that it will take some practice. Our neighbors, Kirk and Janet are enjoying their recently emptied nest by playing more tennis and traveling a bit more. They also just moved down the block, so they spend a lot of time thinking about redecorating, furniture shopping, etc.

Lots of my younger co-workers are announcing pregnancies, weddings, and other key milestones of younger lives. We chat and when they find out my kids are almost gone, they wonder how young we were when we started a family. I explain it to them that it isn't how old you are when you decide to have kids, it is how old you want to be when you can enjoy life after they are gone...that makes the decision about when to have kids go much smoother and easier. When you are young, first married and contemplating a family, it never seems to be the right time...or you never seem like you have enough money...it is always something. So Lori and I did "scenario planning". We took our lives far out into the future and asked ourselves how old we wanted to be when the kids left the nest...guess what? The decision about when to start was made in 5 seconds!

Maybe this blog space will also start including tips for parenting...ha! I can start draining all this powerful parenting thought out of my brain and onto this page. Potty training tips, allowance advice, Daddy's 401K plan, goal setting, the opposite sex, dating, driver's ed...the list is endless. But I digress...

Lori, me and the dog...gonna take some getting used to, but I think we will like it!

Chow!