Another Milestone

The blogging ritual seems to be lengthening between posts. I remember first starting out and wanting to blog every week, and being upset that I couldn't find the time. Then as time went along, it became less and less frequent...once a month became once in a while, and now it looks like once a year. Now I get upset because I can't think of blog-worthy material! I blame Facebook and the ability to quickly add a status change. That style matches my naturally snarky personality. I like making a quick quip and then waiting for the comments to pour in. But blogging helps me dump from my soul. It gets some very real feelings and emotions down on "paper", even figurative paper like an electronic blog. One day I will print all my posts...I think it would make the beginnings of a good book.

But, something major happened this past month. It is one of those milestone things in your life, it will generally only happen once, so that deserves a blog post. My first born has decided to marry. His now fiancee has waited patiently for him to make a decision about their future together. She hinted, strongly at times, and even enlisted some help from her mother, but he is a person of personal strength and conviction and does things only when he is ready. I had a feeling there was going to be an announcement coming soon. I am good at reading behavior in humans, and my son is a human. There were two things that helped me figure out what was up...1) he "agreed" with me that perhaps his roommate didn't need another 12 month lease, and 2) maybe he would give my jeweler friend a call. (I had casually let him know that we had a friend in the jewelry business, and if he should ever need the "family discount" to check with her first before shopping on his own.) So, with that information, I was able to put 2 and 2 together. I knew it was coming, but I was sworn to secrecy until he made the move. That is the toughest secret to keep. Especially from the wife...I knew I was in trouble when I agreed to keep it hush-hush. But I made him swear he would tell his mother first. And he needn't offer up the information that I helped him with the ring. But he threw me under the bus, and after Lori gave me the news that he and K. were engaged, she quickly turned to that tidbit of info. She said, "J said you helped him get the ring." I just stammered. I knew I was in trouble. There is no way to win in this scenario...you know your son will be proposing, and you aren't allowed to tell anyone, your spouse included. Plus, I knew she would want to be surprised anyway. I guess I know where my loyalty lies...with my kids. So I did what came naturally to me, I changed to subject to the engaged couple. I asked her when they were planning to get married. That worked...she quickly got into all the plans, locations, wedding party, etc. Later on she remembered my act of betrayal and asked me when he asked me to help with the ring purchase. I just told her, "You didn't really want to know, did you?" She agreed that she preferred to be surprised. Whew.

We are very happy for the two of them. We heartily approve of the union, and look forward to their life together as a family. It is amazing to go through this. You never know what to expect in the "feelings" department with your children, especially as they grow up and do adult things. Achievements and accomplishments are easy, you beam proudly. But relationship stuff is different. You are happy for them, and worried at the same time. They are young, inexperienced. They don't make a lot of money. Then there is another family to consider now...hers. The two families will be linked as long as they are linked. I like them already just because they are the parents of my son's fiancee, but that is it until we build our own relationships. But, I can look back at how Lori and I started. We were way younger, and way less responsible. We had way less money, and our families didn't meet until the wedding week! Lori didn't meet my parents until the wedding week, either! So, I can look at that experience and see how 30 years later we had nothing to worry about. So I will take comfort in knowing that my kid is much better prepared to go through this than I ever was. He is smarter and much more responsible than I was at that age.

Two weeks later and the preparations for the wedding are buzzing along. Then the next big emotional hammer is dropped on me...they want me to perform the wedding ceremony! What a compliment! What pressure! How do I inject humor, wisdom, and love all at the same time. How will I get through it without crying. All it will take is to take one look at Lori sitting there in the audience, bawling her eyes out for me to lose it. I will have to remember NOT to look at her during the ceremony. Now I have to figure out what to tell them, what wisdom can I share? I think I will keep it simple...and compare their union to Christ and the church, and how he compared it to his bride. Love is patient, love is kind...

Lots of family is planning to make the trip to the wedding. Jeff is the first male of his generation to get married. It is a big deal to his grandparents who have a special bond to their first grandson. It will be a party...I hope I make an impression on them that lasts their lifetime and that they can look on their wedding video with pride, and no cringing.

Chow!

Another Year in the Life...

It is December...time to reflect on the past year and marvel at how quickly it has gone by. I am amazed at how differently my life looks now v. just a mere 12 months ago. Let's do a quick review...

Let's see...I quit the food and beverage industry to work for my favorite charity, CRF, requiring a move to Amarillo, TX. My wife and daughter are still in Seattle, where my daughter has dropped out of school to figure out what she wants to do with her life. The dog went through a near-death experience and had to undergo emergency surgery to remove a 2-lb tumor in his abdomen (he's only 15 lbs!). I traveled to 5 different countries, including Mexico for the very first time! My visit to our CRF programs in Nicaragua, El Salvador, and Honduras was a highlight for me. I was also able to lead a group of New Mexico State Univ. students on a short term mission trip back to Nicaragua, as well as leading another group from Texas to Kenya in July. The summer was capped off by our all-Wu Family reunion in Honolulu. That was an amazing trip, and I picked up a new hobby; Gyotaku, the art of Japanese fish-printing. I also got to preach for the first time in my life at a wonderful church in Oklahoma City, and for the second time in San Saba, TX. Those experiences were enjoyable as I felt connected to the message of hope for our orphans. I hope it becomes an annual event for me.

[Sidebar: That trip to Hawaii showed all of my "hapa" nieces, nephews, and my own kids that the Hawaiian culture is where they belong and feel the most at home. They have never felt at home in either the US or Chinese cultures because they feel they always stick out in both cultures. Hawaii felt like home because they blended in with the locals. I expect a few of them to move there as a result. I also got to see them more as adults than children, and that was fun for me.]

The normal things also happened this past year. My oldest, the boy, is progressing well at his job. He is picking up responsibilities as he picks up skills, and he enjoys the work he is doing. He has the same girlfriend as last year, and they also are progressing down a path of inevitability...you know what that means. She is a sweet girl, and we really are happy for the two of them. She has made it a priority to get to know us and has visited us 3 times since they started dating. He has started prepping for his CPA exams.  Lori continues to work at her two dental offices. She also took specialized training to work as a certified home-care assistant, and is ready to take the state exam for her final step.

Someone asked me why I made the change. I think I did it for several reasons. 1) I was so ready to give back in a greater way, 2) it is a continuation of my decision to say, "yes" to God, and 3) I feel much more satisfaction from my life. It is amazing how God is so faithful to me. Lori and I were worried about how to make ends meet with us having 2 households and way less income, but that has not been a problem. I give that up to God. We have what we need, and we seem to be doing okay.

What will be the theme for 2013? I am not sure where God will lead me, but I think for sure Kenya, Haiti, Nicaragua, Uganda and Zambia...those trips are being set up now. Maybe it is better that I NOT know...I'm just along for the ride!

Chow!

Marital Advice

As Lori and my 29th wedding anniversary approaches, I have been reflecting a lot about our marriage and marriage in general. Not that I have the answers to the mysteries of being happily married (maybe it is just about staying married), but after 29 years, I have learned a few things that I want to share. When people ask me how long I have been married, I usually make a joke out of it and say, "Lori and I have been happily married for 20 years...29 total, but only 20 were really good." It is meant to get a laugh, but there is always some truth to joking. We have worked at staying married, and we will both admit that it was difficult, and still is.

I was reading a new Vince Flynn paperback, and I really loved his acknowledgements. He started out by saying that one of his goals as a person and author was to only have "ones" in his life...one editor, one publisher, etc. I am going to invoke that rule as well as it pertains to marriage. I want to only have one wife in my life. I shouldn't need another. I am not calling any of my divorced friends or family out, because I know that sometimes divorce is necessary and justified, I am just saying that it is a pretty good rule to have...as long as you are able to follow it. You have to be stubborn about sticking to the rule. I'm lucky that Lori has been stubbornly following this rule. I've said stupid things to her that she let roll off her back because of this.

First of all, I think the words, "mutual reverence" are key. "Respect" isn't enough. If I didn't revere Lori for who she is and what she does, staying married would be impossible. And it goes without saying that the same holds true for her. (But I just said it...not sure what that saying means..."it goes without saying", if we have to actually say it.) If one partner doesn't revere the other, that marriage is doomed to fail.

Second big thing I've learned is that neither of us can remember what much of our arguing was about all those years ago. Arguments are never worth remembering. They are moments where our stubborn selves get in the way of our reasonable selves and we say things we don't mean and regret them later. If you can remember with bitterness all of your arguments, you probably have a personality disorder that should be taken care of. It is just stupid stuff that doesn't have any bearing on your life together. It seems like the real issues that break relationships up are hardly talked about...or argued about; they are done in secret.

Thirdly, family ties run deep, but they shouldn't run as deep as your ties to your spouse and children. Oh, now I remember that many of those arguments between us were about our respective families...usually around the holidays. But, if you consider what is best for your wife and kids, you will make the right decision. It won't help to put your relatives in between you and your spouse.

Fourthly, money is the other main arguing point that comes up frequently in my relationship with Lori. It has taken us a while to figure out that arguing about money never helps. Being open about our concerns, fears, and worries  to each other does help.

Coming in fifth is that you have to know that love changes over time. There are reasons for why you love someone that never change, and there are some that do change. The ones that change usually have to do with physical attraction and...sex. There, I've said it. Focus on the things that don't change, and work on the ones that do.

I make it sound as if following these 5 thoughts will lead to a happily married life. If it were that simple, I would have my own talk show. The word that should have come up first is "faithfulness." I put it last because I want to make a point. Our God is a jealous god, and deserves our faithfulness.  If you both are faithful to God first, and then each other, He will help you work through the other 5.

In fact, if you think about it, these 5 points actually help in your relationship to God as well. It is not just coincidence that I have been in a relationship with God for 32 years. "One" God, reverence for Him, no secrets, don't put people between you and Him, be open to Him about your finances, and your reasons for loving Him will grow and change...these tenets have helped me stay faithful. I hope these help you, too!

Chow!

Family Reunions

Some people hate that time of year when they get an invitation to the "annual family reunion picnic" at the local state park. My family does them differently...we wait to have them only every few years, and we pick a spot that guarantees good times and a good turnout. Oh, and we limit them to immediate family and a few friends that always want to tag along.

Here's the list of places we have gone: The very first one was Cape May, NJ. We rented a large Victorian house complete with gingerbread trim near the beach. It was my immediate family...parents, siblings, spouses and kids. Second one was DisneyWorld in Orlando at Christmas...guaranteed good time. Next was Yellowstone National Park, followed by a 10 day excursion to China, then Virginia Beach, and most recently, Honolulu, Hawaii. We know how to have a good time. These past 20 years have created great memories for all of us. There is the occasional argument, misunderstanding and regretful behavior, but all in all, we enjoy seeing each other and cry like crazy when we have to say goodbye. We all live so far apart that these opportunities to gather really do create emotional atmospheres.

Each location holds special memories for me. Some are strictly about fun, but some, like our China trip, was about connecting with our roots. They are ALWAYS about good food and social interaction, though. We sometimes plan our next meal while still eating the current one! This last trip to Hawaii was a combination of all of these reasons. We were able to reconnect our families, our old friends, new friends, while eating together and having fun together. The kids are now old enough to really enjoy each other's company, and they spent many a late night at the local watering holes talking about their crazy parents. There is even talk of a "cousins only" reunion so they can hang out and party without their parents watching. I love seeing them interact, get to know each other better, and best part...become friends. They may be related by blood, but they like each other's company, too! We even had the next generation with us as my niece brought her 7 year old son...a grandnephew, great-grandson, and second cousin to all of us. I am proud at how my nieces and nephews have grown up into awesome adults. They are all such caring people. They want to make the world a better place, and are striving hard to be independent and successful. They are spiritual and are relying on God to help them in life. That is awesome that our kids are developing their own love for Christ that I have.

So keep your t-shirts, mugs, and giant reunion picnics. I like mine small, intimate and in exotic locales. Rumor is that the next one being planned will be a cruise. I'll go anywhere to be with my family, and I hear the food is pretty good on those cruise ships.

Chow!

Happy Father's Day To Me!

I have been thinking about being a father, and what keeps popping up in my head is a whole collection of memories of my kids as they were growing up. Special memories that make fatherhood such a blessing for me. Here are a few in no particular order...

• Calling home while I was on a business trip and hearing my sweet kids' voices telling me they loved me. When I talk to Melanie on the phone now, I still picture her as a 4 year old with a Dorothy Hamill hair-do. Jeff was such a talker when he was younger...now he is more of a thinker. 
• Having both kids run up and hug my legs when I would come home from work or a business trip. 
• How they each said, "Dada" for the first time...Melanie's was more of a, "dadjy"
• Remembering how they would pronounce words when they were learning to talk. Jeff would walk up to us when he was barely two, holding his arms up and say, "Holdyou?" Meaning he wanted us to pick him up. Melanie at three would wrinkle her nose and say, "I smell somfing." 
• I loved playing in the pool with them. They are both great swimmers now, but when they were learning, it was such great fun. I still crack a smile when I think about Jeff diving through the blow up ring and getting it stuck on his neck. Melanie wearing her goggles everywhere (still does!) and diving down in the deep end to catch a frog for me. 
• Teaching Jeff how to ride a bike, then drive a car, and then how to invest his money. 
• Making home made spaghetti sauce with Melanie in our kitchen and teaching her how to make her favorite beet salad.
• Baptizing Jeff in the Pacific Ocean at Playa Vista. 
• Watching Melanie and her grandpa eating weird foods together in China. They bonded over sashimi and duck tongues. 
• Driving across the country with Jeff as we went to take him to school in Ohio. Just him and me.
• Being in the theater when we discovered Melanie needed glasses at 5 years old. She watched the movie with my oversized glasses on, which was hilarious to see. 
• Quietly sneaking to Jeff's room to secretly watch him play with "Patchy-Pie" and his Beanie Babies...he made the cutest voices for his animals. 
• Melanie playing Godzilla through Jeff's building blocks which he neatly stacked. 
• Her fuzz head days when she wouldn't sit still to eat, so we fed her like a bird...we put food on the window sill and when she went by, she would take a little bit and then continue on with whatever she was doing.
• Jeff's face when he discovered that he really liked ice cream.
• Melanie asking me to take her to try grasshoppers at the local Mexican restaurant. 
• The joy they both had when they received acceptance letters to the schools of their choice. 
• Making our favorite meals for special occasions, and cooking for all their friends when they came over unexpectedly.
• All those band concerts, parades, soccer games, swim meets, football games, and recitals. I love watching my kids perform. 
• I loved the sense of accomplishment they each felt when they presented their savings accounts to me; showing me they met the goal we set before leaving for college.  Their faces were beaming with pride at their accomplishment.
• I remember each of their births in detail. I will never forget the doctors telling me that they each were healthy. 
• I remember the day Lori and I made a decision to keep Melanie when the doctors thought she would be a special needs baby at birth. We thought we would be the best parents for a special needs kid. Her birth was a very special day because she was perfect. 
• Watching my kids sleep. It is so peaceful and comforting to see them sleep no matter what age they are. 
• I loved when they would visit me in the office...I could show them off to my co-workers. 
• I love their smell when I would hold them and they fell asleep. 
• I like how brave they are. They don't cry or complain much when it comes to pain. They are tough. 

There are so many great memories, big and small that make me so proud to be a father. I hope my dad has the same kind of memories that I have of my kids. I'm sure he does...he always jokes about them, so I know he has a list, too.

I love being a father, but I love being "Dad" more. "Father" is my job description, but "Dad" is how my kids see me. So Happy Father's Day to me!

Chow!

Man's Best Friend

We had a bit of a scare today...our little dog, Pepper had to go under emergency surgery. Lori called me with the news that she had taken him in to the vet this morning because he had been lethargic all week, and didn't have an appetite. He even turned his nose up at a Cheetoh she dropped on the floor, and he didn't want to go for a walk. He has been spending all day in his nest under the bed. It turns out that he has a giant growing tumor in his tummy. The growth was so extensive that it was pushing all his internal organs to one side. The vet was hopeful, but she said that she would have to make a decision once she opened him up. If it looked benign, she would remove it as best as she could. If it looked cancerous, she would euthanize him right there on the operating table. His lethargy had a cause, it wasn't the rainy, cold weather, or the long, lonely days he spent in the house by himself. It was a giant growing mass causing him discomfort.

That lethargic behavior is just not like him. He is usually full of spunk, energy, and life. He has the most personality of any dog I have ever known. He actually thinks he is human, or that we are all dogs in his pack. He talks to us, and is pretty good at communicating what he wants from us. He has given us so many funny memories and stories. If you know us, you have heard some of them. My favorite Christmas memories over the past 10 years or so are of Peppy (his nickname) tearing into the presents. He loves to open presents. For a small 18 lb. dog, he is bigger than life.

As Lori was explaining all the options, she sounded strong, upbeat and hopeful. I told her to text the kids to let them know that Pepper may not make it...that is when she lost it and couldn't talk anymore on the phone. She had to hang up and email me later with the latest. I quickly said a prayer for my little friend. He has done nothing but bring our family joy for the past 13 years. He seems much younger, and still has a lot of living to do.

The good news was delivered later that afternoon. The mass was not intertwined with any of his organs, it was a free-floating mass that was growing on his spleen, which was removed. The vet thinks he will recover and give us a few more years of companionship.

That is a great word...companionship. That is his strength and his personal mission statement. He never leaves us, and is always at our side (or on our lap). I used to make fun of people who spent thousands of dollars on their pets. Well, now I am proudly one of those suckers. He is worth every penny. He wasn't my first choice for a dog when we started looking for a pet, but I'm glad he is part of our family. He can't hunt birds, or retrieve ducks, or even pull a sled, but he tries to please me and is smarter than some 7th graders. He has snuggled his way deep into my heart, and I am thankful for that. I always tease the kids and tell them that I "hate Pepper"...that I "hate having to love him." The kids think that is funny, and say, "we knew you loved him."

I want to tell my little "companion" that I really do love him, and wouldn't trade him for anything. I hope he recovers quickly, and that he has years of healthy living ahead of him.

Chow!

The Emptying Nest

I am experiencing yet another milestone in my life…my youngest, my baby girl now has a real “grown-up” job (as she describes it). She was having doubts about her life, the direction she had chosen, and came to Lori and me for advice over Christmas break. As a junior at the local university, she felt (and we agreed) that she should have an idea of her future career. She didn’t have any idea and that thought panicked her a little. She had doubts about her major and where that was leading. She didn’t feel passionate about anything besides marching band, and realized there are limitations to making a living in a marching band. We didn’t resolve these issues for her easily or quickly. We had many sessions, discussions, emails and phone calls.  Sometimes those sessions were calm, quiet, pensive, and other sessions were agitated, emotional, and painful. But in the end she had a plan that she could execute, and that calmed her heart a lot.

Our first piece of advice was to drop out of the University while she figured things out. This was purely an economic move as she was costing us over a grand a month pursuing a degree that she didn’t want. She felt she wanted to work in the food industry somehow, so I encouraged her to get a full time job in the food industry to see if it was a real attraction for her. She could earn some dough and at the same time “interview” the industry. The other option was to get a job in the pool servicing industry. This is her other passion. She loves working on pool equipment. She has a natural knack for the mechanics, and she can keep a pool sparkling. Find a job with a pool company and decide later on your future was my advice. Part 1 of her plan: find a full time job to pay her bills.

I had always thought she had the food gene, though. Her interests were always in what cool things I was working on. She loved coming to my office when she was younger. She loved the smells that come from the production of food and beverage products, and she has a very discerning sense of smell and taste. As a young child her keen sense of smell always amazed me. She could smell things and describe them to me. That is an innate skill with her. And she loves food. Why not let it make some money for her? If she enjoys the work, she can always go back to school for a degree in food science, chemical engineering, or microbiology. But those degrees are so far from the music degree she had started on. She would have a ton of catch-up coursework to do in the basic sciences. So part 2 of her plan: get her leveling coursework done at a community college. This almost killed her. She felt it was humiliating to drop out of the prestigious university and attend the local community college. We told her it is so different now, but after talking it over with friends she trusts (not us); she got over that pretty quickly.

I am proud of her for developing a realistic, sensible plan and then executing it. She applied for food industry jobs through connections I had and landed one. She will be a customer service representative at a small food ingredients broker. She will have to work two sides of the value chain. Their principals expect new sales opportunities for their ingredients, and the end customers expect full service sales and technical support for the dozens of companies they represent. She will learn a ton about the industry and the language used in it. I hope she sticks with it. The opportunities will be there if she does a good job. 

Her plan will always require “tweaking”, but the main parts will always give her something to work from. Maybe one of my progeny will follow me down the path of developing innovative food and beverage products for an industry that has been very, very good to me. After 3 days of her new job, I am swelling with pride.

Chow!